How to Get Horny: 21 Things to Get You in the Mood
By Isabelle Uren / July 10, 2023
Welcome to your comprehensive and kinky guide on how to get horny! Whether you’re looking to spice up your solo sessions or enhance your intimate experiences with a partner, or you’ve noticed a decline in your desire, I’ve got plenty of ways to ignite your arousal and give your sex life a boost!
Today, I’m going to share my favorite ways to get horny, introduce some top sex toys for getting your blood pumping, and share my top tips for helping your partner get in the mood.
On top of that, we’ll delve into the dual model of arousal and discuss factors that can interfere with your arousal, so you can understand the inner workings of your arousal responses. After all, knowledge if pleasure!
So, let’s dive in and uncover the secrets to unlocking your sexual appetite!
Here’s what you can learn in this post:
- How to get horny: 21 things to try today!
- My Top Tips For Getting Horny
- How Does Arousal Work? The Dual Model of Arousal
- How to Get Horny: Common Things that Interfere with Arousal
How to get horny: 21 things to try today!
1. Indulge in a sensual massage
While you might think massage is only a partnered activity, this can actually be a great solo activity to! Sensual massage involves using differnt types of touch to explore your or your partner’s whole body and find that bits that give you those delicious shivers of pleasure. It also helps you relax, which is great for getting in the mood!
- Create a warm, comfortable environment with soft lighting, soothing music, and calm scents.
- Use massage oil or a massage candle to massage your or your partner’s shoulders, neck, and back to get nice and relaxed.
- Explore the rest of your body, such as the thighs, buttocks, and chest, before working towards your nipples and genitals.
- Adjust the pressure and pace as you go, and explore other types of touch, including light stroking, scratching or kneading.
2. Engage in some sensation play
Engaging multiple senses heightens your perception and turn up the volume on your senses, making every touch feel so much more pleasurable.
Try to appeal to all your senses and experiment with different sensory elements like, a bondage tickler, ice cubes, scented oils, pinwheels, flavored edible lubes, or a flogger.
You can also use a blindfold on a partner to enhance anticipation and allow them to focus fully on their other senses while you explore their body with different textures and temperatures.
3. Read or write some erotic literature
Your brain is a powerful erogenous zone and one you need to get on side to get horny!
Reading erotic literature is a great way to get your imagination and explore or discover new kinks and desires.
If you are want to get your creative juices flowing, you can write your own erotic adventure based on one of your hottest sexcapades or something you’d love to try. You can keep it to your yourself or share it with a partner!
Sssh.com has a whole library of erotic stories to spark your imagination or you can take a erotic writing workshop on the Dipsea app!
4. Embrace and explore your fantasies
Sometimes we block our fantasies out of fear or shame, but they are a powerful tool for arousal as they tap directly into your personal desires.
It’s also important to know that you can fantasize about something without actually wanting it to happen in real life, and often, fantasies are more about feeling something different than the actual act itself.
You can explore your fantasies by using the power of your imagination or finding some ethical porn, like the great vidoes over at Sssh.com.
Sharing fantasies with a partner can enhance your relationship and deepen your sexual connection. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where you can openly share your fantasies. And remember, it’s ok if your fantasies don’t match!
5. Delve into dirty talk
Dirty talk can be a little intimidating at first, but it can be a powerful way to reignite the passion!
You can start out with less explicit dirty talk and gradually let it get dirtier as your arousal and confidence builds.
Finding your dirty talk voice can also be empowering and help you see yourself and each other in a sexy new light!
Before you dive in, it’s a good idea to talk to your partner about what kinds of phrases you enjoy and which ones give you the ick as it’s a very subjective matter!
6. Try some audio erotica with Dipsea
Give your inner horniness a helping hand with Dipsea’s audio porn! Slip your headphones on, lie back and drift off into a fantasy of your choosing!
Dipsea has a huge library of erotic audio stories, ranging from sweet and sensual to completely kinky. There really is something for all tastes!
Unlike a lot of regular porn, that’s made for the male gaze, Dipsea puts female pleasure front and center! It also has a great range of stories featuring transgender and non-binary characters!
Get your 7-day free trial to sample all this app has to offer or find out more in my Dipsea review
7. Get freaky with food and aphrodisiacs
We all know that eating something tasty leaves us feeling happy, so why not incorporate that sweet feeling into some foreplay to help you get in the mood!
The sensual experience encourages you to get in touch with your senses and sets the mood for more intimate moments. Use your hands to eat or feed your partner and really savor the flavor.
You can also try an aphrodisiac foods, such as oysters, chocolate, strawberries, avocado, and honey, which are believed to enhance arousal and sexual desire.
Whether they really do have magical arousal powers or they are just a pleasurable placebo, sensual eating can be a great way to get horny!
8. Have a sexy photo shoot
Feeling sexy can be a big contributor to getting horny and having a sexy photo shoot is a great way to see just how hot you are!
Give yourself a little pamper sesh, slip into something that makes you feel empowered and sexy, and grab your phone or camera!
Find the angles that work for you and use props, like a sexy flowy robe or flogger, to help you pose.
You can choose to share your pics with a lucky recipient or simply keep them as reminder that you are hot stuff!
9. Watch some ethical porn
Discover the amazing world of ethical porn, where consent is standard practice and actors are paid fairly for their work! Not to mention, it’s made with the female gaze in mind, there are story lines, and no dodgy camera work!
Here are my favorite ethical porn sites:
- Lust Cinema — Erika Lust’s adult movie studio elevates porn to new levels with feature length movies and sexy series, featuring some of the best adult actors out there! These movies really are works of art!
- XConfessions — Another offering from Erika Lust but this time featuring movies based on fantasies from anonymous confessions.
- Sssh.com — Feminist porn, erotic novels, and a gallery of sexy images all in one place!
10. Get sexting
Sexting can spark the erotic inner workings of your imagination and is an exciting way to explore desires and fantasies. It can be a great warm-up to some IRL-loving later in the day or fuel for a fun solo session.
Not sure where to start? Tell your partner what you want to do to them or have done to you! If you want to take it further, you can throw in some sexy snaps or even jump on a video call. Just remember, play safely online!
Love the idea of sexting but don’t feel confident enough in your skills, Dipsea has a whole series that will help you become a super sexter!
11. Play a sexy game
Sexy games are a fun and flirty way to get things going! They can help you get to know each other more intimately and give you some inspiration for things to try!
Go analogue with a sexual board game, or check out an online version, like Dipsea’s 36 question game.
One of our testers took Monogamy board game for a test run. Find out what they thought in their full review.
12. Treat yourself to a new sexy outfit
Take yourself shopping for an outfit that makes you feel like the sexy snack you are!
As well as thinking about how you look, you should also consider which materials turn you on! Maybe you love the elegant look and light touch of lace, or maybe you prefer the strength and power of leather.
Trying a sexy outfit can also help you explore different sides of your personality or power dynamics. Want to feel powerful? Check out this sexy BDSM lingerie!
13. Try some erotic meditation
Erotic meditations and breathwork can help you connect with your bodily sensations and feel pleasure in a whole new way!
Lie back and follow the soothing instructions and enjoy heightened sensations and a better connection with your body!
Not to mention, it’s also a great way to unwind after a stressful day!
I tried the erotic breathwork and meditation series on Dipsea and loved every minute of it!
14. Try something new and exciting
Sometimes trying something new outside the bedroom can help ignite your excitement in the bedroom and translate into feeling horny!
Getting out of your usual role and trying something new can help you connect with sides of yourself you might have forgotten.
You might be surprised by how sexy you feel after trying something a little daring, either alone or with a partner!
15. Have a make out session
Making out just for the fun of it, without the expectation of sex after, can help you really enjoy the sensual passion of it!
Whether you get cosy on the couch or relive those teenage moments making out in a car, rediscovering the joys of a good make out session can really get the blood pumping.
16. Take some time for self-care
If you are busy, tired, stressed, or even all three, chances are your sex drive is going to suffer! Instead of trying to from 0-100, spend some time topping up your cup with some self care!
Set aside a night or day to pamper yourself, whatever that looks like for you! Light some candles, have a bath, eat your favorite foods, and show your body some love!
Once you feel refreshed and recharged, you might notice your sex drive gets going again!
17. Try a sensual hobby or date
Strengthening your connection and getting playful outside the bedroom can reignite the passion in the bedroom!
Choose a playful activity that awakens your senses and gives you plenty of flirting opportunities.
Here’s some inspiration:
- Get messy at a pottery class
- Learn how to cook your favorite food
- Take a dance class together
18. Get steamy in the bathroom
Getting clean can be a great way to get dirty! A steamy bath or shower is great for relaxation! Plus you are already naked! Two wins for getting in the mood!
This is a great partner or solo practice that can help you get in the mood and ready for pleasure!
Don’t forget your favorite waterproof vibrator for some extra fun!
19. Shop for a new sex toy
Browsing sex toy stores for a new bedside buddy really help you get horny! Why not look for something you haven’t tried before to spice up your solo pleasure or shop with a partner for a new toy to enjoy together?
Here are my favorite online sex toy stores you can browse right now:
20. Try some Tantric practices
A deep sense of connection with a partner or even yourself can help create the feeling of safety and calm needed for your inner horniness to arise!
Tantric practices are a great way to get grounded and connected and help the sexual energy flow. Some great places to start are synchronised breathing and eye-gazing, both of which enhance intimacy and connection.
Beducated’s Tantra for Couples or Tantra for One courses help you go deeper into these practises by guiding you through different exercises.
21. Explore power play
Learn everything you need to know to get started with domination and submission, including safety and fun ideas to try!
Breaking out of your usual dynamic and experimenting with power play can be thrilling and get you feeling hot and horny.
Try experimenting with power exchange or role play can help you explore different sides of your personality and see each other in a new light!
Maybe you find freedom in submitting to your partner or maybe you love the feeling of taking control of your partner’s pleasure!
Always remember that communication, consent, and trust are vital when engaging in power play activities.
My Top Tips For Getting Horny
Arousal actually relies on your holistic well-being, including your physical and mental health and your environment. So a good place to start when trying to increase your sexual desire is to take check of how you are doing in general!
With that in mind, here are some tips and tricks to help you get horny!
- Prioritize Self-Care and Relaxation: Feeling good in yourself will help you feel sexier and make it easier to get in the mood! Getting a good night’s sleep is also an essential aspect of self-care and can have a big influence on your sex drive.
- Work on Your Communication: Being able to talk openly and honestly with your partner about sex and your desires is foundational to building the sex life you want. Plus, expressing your needs and engaging in intimate conversations can create an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation that allows your arousal to build naturally!
- Focus on Flirting and Foreplay: Foreplay should begin way before you are ready to have sex, and it definitely shouldn’t be reserved for the bedroom. Try to steal intimate moments throughout the day to keep the passion alive and let your partner know how much you want them.
- Explore Novel Activities and Environments: Something as simple as making out in a place or even a new room can spark the excitement you need to become aroused. You could also experiment with new activities or a new outfit!
- Create a sexy atmosphere: If your space is cluttered and messy, it might distract you and disrupt your arousal. As well as having a clean and tidy space, you could use some low mood lighting or candles, sexy scents, and soft blankets to set the scene for getting sexy!
How Does Arousal Work? The Dual Model of Arousal
Arousal can seem like a curious animal and learning how to get horny can sometimes feel like a wild goose chase! Certain things can make us super horny in one context and be a massive turn-off in another. Let’s take a look at why that is and how arousal works.
Developed by Erick Janssen in 2003, the Dual Model of Arousal proposed there are two distinct and opposing systems involved in sexual arousal: the Sexual Excitation System (SES) and the Sexual Inhibition System (SIS). The two systems work in tandem to modulate our sexual response and arousal. Here’s a little more detail about each of the systems.
The Sexual Excitation System
As the name suggests, this system deals with excitation and increasing arousal. When this system is activated, you are likely to experience feelings of desire and pleasure, and you might notice you start to fantasize.
The SES is influenced by internal factors, such as feeling confident and sexy, and external cues, like flirting or physical stimulation.
What activates your excitation system will vary from person and can be context-dependent, meaning it changes in different situations or with different people. It might also change over time.
To figure out what your triggers your sexual excitation system, think about what physical, emotional, and mental states usually turn you on.
The Sexual Inhibition System
The Sexual Inhibition System acts as a counterbalance to the SES. This is the ‘turn-off’ system, and it is responsible for inhibiting sexual arousal.
Much like the excitation system, the SIS can be activated by internal or external factors, such as anxiety, stress, negative emotions, self-consciousness, or external distractions.
To figure out what triggers your SIS, think about things that have interrupted your sexual arousal in the past.
How to Use this Model to Get Horny
Once you know which things excite your sexual response and which ones inhibit it, you can learn how to increase your arousal. When thinking about how to get horny, you want to incorporate more of the things that turn you on and less of the things that turn you off — it’s as simple as it sounds! However, not many of us take the time to really stop and consider what these things are!
How to Get Horny: Common Things that Interfere with Arousal
As we’ve already seen, arousal is influenced by many different factors, including physical, psychological, and environmental factors.
That also means that there are many obstacles in these areas that block your path to getting horny. Knowing these common causes for lack of arousal can help you pinpoint how to improve your arousal.
While it’s natural for your arousal levels to fluctuate, if you notice a sudden and prolonged change, it’s a good idea to talk to your healthcare provider to explore what could be causing it.
Common factors that can negatively impact arousal:
- Stress and Anxiety: When you are stressed or anxious, your sex drive is often one of the first things to go as your energy is diverted to dealing with the stress response. You are also likely to be preoccupied with other thoughts, making it challenging to fully engage in the present moment and experience pleasure. Chronic stress can also disrupt hormonal balance, which also plays a role in regulating sexual desire.
- Relationship Issues: Feeling a lack of connection or conflict can impact your desire to have sex with a partner, as emotions and sex are often closely intertwined.
- Body Image Concerns: Low self-esteem can negatively impact arousal as you might feel too self-conscious to engage in sex or too distracted to enjoy the experience.
- Medications and Health Conditions: Certain medications, such as antidepressants, antihistamines, and blood pressure medications, can decrease sexual arousal and desire. Additionally, any physical or mental health issues can also impact sexual functioning. If you experience this, it’s important to consult with a healthcare professional to explore alternative options.
- Tiredness: Not getting enough sleep and feeling tired or fatigued can lead to decreased energy levels and a lack of sexual motivation for sexual activity. When the body is tired, it has to prioritize where to use its limited energy, so it often deprioritizes your sex drive.
- Negative Sexual Experiences and Trauma: Past negative sexual experiences, such as trauma or abuse, can have a profound impact on your desire for sex. In this case, you should seek professional support from your medical provider or a sex therapist who can help you work through the trauma.
A final note on horniness!
So now I hope you have a better understanding of the inner workings of your arousal and some inspiration for how to get it going!
However, it’s also important to remember to that it’s totally normal for your arousal levels to fluctuate! Plus, it’s totally ok to not be in the mood! You should never feel pressured into feeling like you have to get in the mood for sex!
