The 4 Best Quiet Fuck Machines for Covert Climaxes

Rain Egan
by Rain Egan
Price ComparisonExpert– and user reviewsHonest & Inclusive
best quiet fuck machine in test
Many people love a good sex machine, but sometimes the volume of this toy can be a bit off-putting. Luckily there are quiet fuck machine options out there! These toys are discreet, yet super pleasurable. What we want to do is help you make a well-informed decision as to what type of quiet fuck machine is the one for you. Want more manual stimulation? We have something for that. Looking for automatic fun? We got your back! But we want to offer more than that! We have hints, tips, and pointers that really will help you get the most out of your quiet fuck machine. We even point you in the right direction if you decide to make a purchase! This really is your one-stop place for all your quiet fuck machine needs!

How we tested the best quiet fuck machines

Searching far and wide across the internet for reviews on quiet fuck machines, we found some of the most honest and truthful thoughts and feeling out there. And these thoughts and feelings aren’t from companies and manufacturers, no, they’re from real-life people that have tried and tested them. People down in the trenches getting dirty and loving it! They provided 100% honest reviews which were then combined with the knowledge of our sex toy expert to create a super-review with all the information you need in one handy place! One that balances the pros and the cons to create something that you can use to get a fantastic overview of 4 of the best quiet fuck machines out there!

How we tested the best quiet fuck machines

Types of quiet fuck machine

Oh, so you want to see some of the different types of quiet fuck machines, do you? Cool, not a problem! We’re happy to give you a brief overview of three of our absolute favorites!

  • Ride-on rocker – Sit down and get yourself comfortable on a dildo rocker! Simple and easy to use, it consists of two padded seats with a dildo in the middle. Move your body and rock backwards and forwards to mechanically move the dildo up and down. The more you rock, the faster and deeper it goes! Simple!
  • Automatic – Automatic fuck machines are the power tools of the sex toy world! With a dildo attached to a powerful motor, it moved it backwards and forwards at various speeds and depths.
  • Portable sex machine – everyone gets horny, even when they’re on the go! Luckily portable fuck machines are a thing! With a dildo attached to a small yet powerful motor, you can suction cup it to a surface and allow it to do its thing! They tend to come with a case too for easy and discreet storage and transport!

Things to consider

  • Thrust distance – how far in and out the dildo will go is a big consideration! If you want something that will go deep you’ll need to check with the manufacturers what the specifications of the toy are. Most fuck machines tend to have variable and customizable speeds and thrust distances.
  • Size – If you want to keep your quiet fuck machine discreet, or if you straight up don’t have much space to spare, you’re going to want to check on the fuck machine’s size. We’d recommend going for the portable fuck machine if you want to keep things small, though you can find ride-on rockers and automatic fuck machines that are fairly moderately sized.
  • Volume – The whole point of a quiet fuck machine is to keep things quiet! But not all fuck machines are created equal. Some make no noise, others (for example ones with motors) can be fairly loud. Make sure you check the volume levels of the toys before you buy anything!
  • Power type – How certain fuck machines work and how they are powered varies from sort to sort. Some are electronically powered, requiring being plugging into the mains power. Others are rechargeable or take batteries, while some only require the kinetic power and movement of the human body to work.
  • App/remote control – With the automatic fuck machines you’re going to want to discover how you control it. Is it with a remote control or is it via an app? Both are handy in their own way, but apps can be updated and changed, meaning that your quiet fuck machine experience is continually growing and changing too.
  • Dildo size and materials – The size of the dildo you choose is completely down to you, based on what you think you can and can’t handle. Always start small and work your way up, as starting large may cause some damage! As for material, we’d go for a silicone or TPE dildo due to their durability and amazing feel (although TPE is actually a porous material so will require a more thorough cleaning when you’re done).
  • Interchangeable attachments – With your fuck machine you’re going to want to find out if the dildo attachment is interchangeable. Sometimes you want to try something a little different, and a fuck machine with an attachment that can’t be changed might not be for you.

FAQ

Are sex machines anal safe?
Typically! As long as the toy you're using has a flared base (or you're 100% certain it's secured on the machine), you should be safe to use your quiet fuck machine for anal play.
Can I use my own dildos with sex machines?
Usually, yes! Make sure to check the product description for something like a 'universal dildo adapter' or any sort of connector, this will typically indicate that the dildo is detachable.
How can I use a sex machine with a partner?
There are many ways to include your partner! You could have them control the toy via app link, hand them the remote, or get more physical and have them stimulate you in other ways while you ride!
How do I know my sex machine will be quiet enough?
Many toys will have a decibel count in the product description, but if you're really unsure, it's worth checking reviews on the website, round ups like this, or other reviews from product testers around the web. A decibel count of 50db or less is recommended for a quiet fuck machine!
How is a sex machine delivered?
A sex machine is typically going to be delivered disassembled for easy shipment, unless it specifies otherwise on the website. It'll always come with instructions for assembly, and if you're having trouble, there are many guides out there online! Most sex toy websites also offer discreet shipping, so you don't have to worry about nosy neighbors.

What is a quiet fuck machine?

A quiet fuck machine is a sex machine that offers powerful, automatic thrusting at low volume. Ideal for those that want discreet, powerful play, quiet fuck machines ensure you're the loudest noise in the room! Ideal for both men and women, a thrusting sex machine does the work for you, which means you can sit back and relax. Dildo fuck machines will thrust, vibrating, and rotate. These machines have been designed to simulate intercourse and penetrate at your desired speed.

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The 4 Best quiet fuck machines in Test

1 Test winner

Hismith Premium Sex Machine, Love Machine With Dildo

Design: 75
Ease of Use: 90
Quality: 70
Price: 0/5

Bedbible rating: 0

User rating:
N/A

This Hismith Premium Sex Machine is an ultra-quiet fuck machine with thrust power usually reserved for machines twice the price. The app-controlled machine connects to the bespoke app for tons of play options. Browse patterns made by the community, upload your own, or even send your Hismith link to someone else and let them control! If you don’t fancy the app, manual adjustment is easy and accessible.

Hismith Premium Sex Machine, Love Machine With Dildo features
Recommended for:
BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
You should buy the Hismith Premium Sex Machine if you...
Don't want people to hear you play
Are interested in G/P-Spot stimulation
Want a toy for long-distance play
Want to up your dildo game
You should NOT buy the Hismith Premium Sex Machine if you...
Are on a budget
Want a heavier machine
Have limited storage space
Hismith Premium Sex Machine, Love Machine With Dildo features
Features
Insertable length6 inches
Diameter1.6 inches
Weight25 lbs
Thrust Modes0-240 strokes per minute, custom patterns 
Remote ControlsApp or wired 
AdjustableYes 
Storage Bag IncludedWith app-controlled 
Pros
Versatile controls
Portable storage bag
Whisper-quiet
Easily adjustable
Cons
Machine is quite light
Difficult to position on bed
Included dildo is quite rigid
Conclusion

This easy-to-assemble, quiet fuck machine from Hismith is great for beginners. If you’re more handsy than handy, you can think of the assembly difficulty as IKEA-level or less. The thrust power of this toy is phenomenal, and there are many ways to enjoy. Many users report that the machine is too light for heavy-duty toys, so you may want to consider other options if you plan to customize your machine with your own dildos.

2 Rocker

Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair

Design: 80
Ease of Use: 80
Quality: 80
Price: 0/5

Bedbible rating: 0

User rating:
N/A

The Cloud 9 F-Slider is an innovatively designed sex machine controlled by your own thrusts. This unique sex chair comes fully equipped with a silicone seven-inch dildo that you can easily swap it out for your favourite toy with the universal dildo adapter. The quiet fuck machine is a heavy, solidly built toy made of high-quality materials, and comes with a cover for discreet storage.

 Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair  test
 Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair  features
Recommended for:
BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
You should buy the Cloud 9 Ride-On Sex Chair if you...
Prefer a natural-feeling thrust
Enjoy deep penetration
Want a quiet machine
Enjoy chair sex
You should NOT buy the Cloud 9 Ride-On Sex Chair if you...
Are on a budget
Want a consistent, electronically powered thrust
Don't have your own dildo to attach
 Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair  features
Features
Insertable length7 (included) inches
Weight22 lbs
Length18 inches
Width22 inches
MaterialsSilicone, Vinyl 
Storage Bag IncludedYes 
WaterproofYes 
AdjustableYes 
Pros
Natural rocking sensation
Sturdy construction
Cover for discreet storage
Whisper-quiet
Cons
Difficult to set up
Heavy to move
Difficult to use with a partner
Conclusion

The Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair is a hefty investment at $949.99. In this case, however, price comes with quality. If you’re not a fan of realistic textures when it comes to dildos, you may want to switch out for your own, but this is a simple task that gives you tons of options for play. Plus, if it’s a quiet sex machine you’re after; this one is as quiet as you are thanks to the lack of electronic thrusting.

3 Mini

Fantasy For Her Rechargeable Remote Control Sex Machine

Design: 60
Ease of Use: 60
Quality: 40
Price: 0/5

Bedbible rating: 0

User rating:
N/A

This portable thrusting machine from Fantasy For Her is a handheld alternative to bigger, harder to store machines that boasts impressive thrusting power for it’s size. The super-soft silicone dildo is gently curved for g-spot stimulation and ribbed for added pleasure. Plus, the toy has a warming function (up to 40F) to simulate a lifelike feel. If you’re looking for something handheld to use with a partner, look no further!

 Fantasy For Her Rechargeable Remote Control Sex Machine  test
 Fantasy For Her Rechargeable Remote Control Sex Machine  features
Recommended for:
BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
You should buy the Fantasy For Her Remote Control Sex Machine if you...
Don't have the space for large machine
Are on a budget
Want to use a machine with a partner
Are a beginner to thrusting machines
You should NOT buy the Fantasy For Her Remote Control Sex Machine if you...
Want to thrust your own toys
Have experience with thrusting machines
Want something super quiet
 Fantasy For Her Rechargeable Remote Control Sex Machine  features
Features
Insertable length6 inches
Length13.5 inches
Diameter1.6 inches
RechargeableYes 
MaterialsSilicone 
WaterproofSubmersible 
AllergiesPhthalate-Free 
Pros
Handheld
Quality material
Small for discreet storage
Powerful thrusting
Cons
Suction cup doesn't work
Can get quite loud
Limited speed settings
Bulky dildo
Conclusion

As it stands, there aren’t too many of these portable thrusting machines on the market. If you’re interested in a super quiet fuck machine, oddly enough, you may have to look for something bigger (or invest in some soundproofing). While it’s solidly built with safe materials, the Fantasy for Her Rechargeable Remote Control Sex Machine is somewhat of a letdown when it comes to the suction cup and variety of thrusting speeds.

4 App

APP Controlled Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0, Discreet Portable Sex Machine With Body-Safe KlicLok System Dildo

Design: 80
Ease of Use: 80
Quality: 100
Price: 0/5

Bedbible rating: 0

User rating:
N/A

This portable, quiet fuck machine from Hismith is an updated version of the Pro Traveller that adds app connectivity to the mix. Great for long distance play! The machine comes with a six-inch silicone dildo that can be swapped out for any compatible toy/attachment using the Kliclock connector, so you can experiment with different lengths and sensations for mind-blowing orgasms no matter your play style.

APP Controlled Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0, Discreet Portable Sex Machine With Body-Safe KlicLok System Dildo test
APP Controlled Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0, Discreet Portable Sex Machine With Body-Safe KlicLok System Dildo features
Recommended for:
BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
You should buy the Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0 if you...
Are an avid traveller
Value discreet, quiet play
Want a powerful thrust
Are looking for easy storage
You should NOT buy the Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0 if you...
Want something fully waterproof
Don't have your own dildos to attach
Find a short cord annoying
APP Controlled Hismith Pro Traveler 2.0, Discreet Portable Sex Machine With Body-Safe KlicLok System Dildo features
Features
Insertable length6.8 (included attachment) inches
Diameter1.38 (included attachment) inches
Remote ControlsApp and Remote Controlled 
WaterproofSplashproof 
AllergiesPthalate-Free 
Storage Bag IncludedYes 
Pros
Powerful thrust
Easy setup
Strong suction cup
Versatile attachment options
Cons
Short power cord
Included toy has strong chemical smell
Conclusion

The Hismith Pro Traveller 2.0 does everything it promises and more. The suction cup is strong and secure, the thrusting power is intense, and the angle of insertion is fully adjustable. If you fancy some alone time, the toy is easy to control with the included remote. This toy is also perfect for those couples in long-distance relationships, as it can be controlled from anywhere in the world with the app. And hey, if you lose the remote, you’ve always got your phone!

Still too loud?

Not satisfied with the sound of these quiet fuck machines? Got some especially nosy housemates, parents, or kids? Try these tools, or check out our round-up of adjustable toy mounts!

Our top fuck machine pick

Sometimes, the classics are the best.

How to use a quiet fuck machine

No matter how you play, remember: always, always, always use lube.

How to use a quiet fuck machine

Solo

Solo

Solo play is what these machines do best, being designed to simulate traditional penetration. Use machines like this to treat yourself to a truly decadent solo session, no matter how you play!

Long-Distance

How to use a quiet fuck machine

With an app-controlled machine, the long-distance possibilities are endless. Whether you’re quarantining in the same city  and miss your partner, or oceans away, machines like this offer a simple solution to isolation blues.

How to use a quiet fuck machine
How to use a quiet fuck machine

G-Spot

G-Spot

Many sex machines are specifically designed to make g-spot stimulation easier, with ergonomic designs supporting more comfortable positions than standard penetration! Pair with a slightly curved dildo to make sure you hit just the right spot.

How to clean your quiet fuck machine

It is so important to clean your sex machine before and after use, to avoid bacteria infiltrating your vagina, anus, or mouth. To clean, you'll need: warm water, sex toy cleaner/antibacterial soap, and a clean, dry towel. As you'll have the most interaction with the attachments, make sure to follow this guide to ensure the safest play. If your dildo is made from a non-porous material (which is most common), it won't absorb bacteria easily, however you still need to thoroughly clean it to ensure you avoid any nasty bacteria entering your system! Non-porous materials include: silicone, borosilicate glass, Lucite, stainless steel etc. Porous materials include: jelly, PVC, vinyl, rubber etc. For porous materials, bacteria can build up over time in the pores of the toy, which means you should take extra care when cleaning, and ensure the toy is bone dry before storing. When your toys are clean and thoroughly dry, you should store them safely; find a place where you can store your toy(s) with plenty of room for others, and where they will be kept away from anything like dust or wetness—this will only cause bacteria to develop! As for the machine itself, you should be safe washing it down with a warm, damp towel, antibacterial spray, and drying it off to avoid staining and bacteria build up.

Porous
materials

Soft plastic, hard plastic, jelly, rubber, Cyberskin are all porous materials, meaning that small particles and bacteria can penetrate the surface. This makes it impossible to completely clean these types of materials.

Therefore, it is recommended that you use a condom with these types of toys, especially if you are sharing them. Clean these toys with mild soapy water and dry gently with a towel. These materials are more easily damaged, so be sure to be gentle and make sure your toys are completely dry before storing.

Non-propous
materials

Silicone, glass, stainless steel and some hard plastics can all be washed using a mild soap (like you would use on your body) and warm water. Just be careful if your toy contains electrical parts.

Silicone and stainless steel toys without any electrical parts can also be boiled for sterilisation.

The toys with electrical
components

If your toys contain electrical components, be extra careful when cleaning them and always check the instructions provided with the toy. You can use a gentle cloth and soap to wipe or sex toy cleaner or cleaning wipe to down your toy, making sure that no water comes into contact with the electrical parts.