The 4 Best Quiet Fuck Machines for Covert Climaxes
How we tested the best quiet fuck machines
Searching far and wide across the internet for reviews on quiet fuck machines, we found some of the most honest and truthful thoughts and feeling out there. And these thoughts and feelings aren’t from companies and manufacturers, no, they’re from real-life people that have tried and tested them. People down in the trenches getting dirty and loving it! They provided 100% honest reviews which were then combined with the knowledge of our sex toy expert to create a super-review with all the information you need in one handy place! One that balances the pros and the cons to create something that you can use to get a fantastic overview of 4 of the best quiet fuck machines out there!
Types of quiet fuck machine
Oh, so you want to see some of the different types of quiet fuck machines, do you? Cool, not a problem! We’re happy to give you a brief overview of three of our absolute favorites!
- Ride-on rocker – Sit down and get yourself comfortable on a dildo rocker! Simple and easy to use, it consists of two padded seats with a dildo in the middle. Move your body and rock backwards and forwards to mechanically move the dildo up and down. The more you rock, the faster and deeper it goes! Simple!
- Automatic – Automatic fuck machines are the power tools of the sex toy world! With a dildo attached to a powerful motor, it moved it backwards and forwards at various speeds and depths.
- Portable sex machine – everyone gets horny, even when they’re on the go! Luckily portable fuck machines are a thing! With a dildo attached to a small yet powerful motor, you can suction cup it to a surface and allow it to do its thing! They tend to come with a case too for easy and discreet storage and transport!
Things to consider
- Thrust distance – how far in and out the dildo will go is a big consideration! If you want something that will go deep you’ll need to check with the manufacturers what the specifications of the toy are. Most fuck machines tend to have variable and customizable speeds and thrust distances.
- Size – If you want to keep your quiet fuck machine discreet, or if you straight up don’t have much space to spare, you’re going to want to check on the fuck machine’s size. We’d recommend going for the portable fuck machine if you want to keep things small, though you can find ride-on rockers and automatic fuck machines that are fairly moderately sized.
- Volume – The whole point of a quiet fuck machine is to keep things quiet! But not all fuck machines are created equal. Some make no noise, others (for example ones with motors) can be fairly loud. Make sure you check the volume levels of the toys before you buy anything!
- Power type – How certain fuck machines work and how they are powered varies from sort to sort. Some are electronically powered, requiring being plugging into the mains power. Others are rechargeable or take batteries, while some only require the kinetic power and movement of the human body to work.
- App/remote control – With the automatic fuck machines you’re going to want to discover how you control it. Is it with a remote control or is it via an app? Both are handy in their own way, but apps can be updated and changed, meaning that your quiet fuck machine experience is continually growing and changing too.
- Dildo size and materials – The size of the dildo you choose is completely down to you, based on what you think you can and can’t handle. Always start small and work your way up, as starting large may cause some damage! As for material, we’d go for a silicone or TPE dildo due to their durability and amazing feel (although TPE is actually a porous material so will require a more thorough cleaning when you’re done).
- Interchangeable attachments – With your fuck machine you’re going to want to find out if the dildo attachment is interchangeable. Sometimes you want to try something a little different, and a fuck machine with an attachment that can’t be changed might not be for you.
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The 4 Best quiet fuck machines in Test
Hismith Premium Sex Machine, Love Machine With Dildo
This Hismith Premium Sex Machine is an ultra-quiet fuck machine with thrust power usually reserved for machines twice the price. The app-controlled machine connects to the bespoke app for tons of play options. Browse patterns made by the community, upload your own, or even send your Hismith link to someone else and let them control! If you don’t fancy the app, manual adjustment is easy and accessible.
This easy-to-assemble, quiet fuck machine from Hismith is great for beginners. If you’re more handsy than handy, you can think of the assembly difficulty as IKEA-level or less. The thrust power of this toy is phenomenal, and there are many ways to enjoy. Many users report that the machine is too light for heavy-duty toys, so you may want to consider other options if you plan to customize your machine with your own dildos.
Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair
The Cloud 9 F-Slider is an innovatively designed sex machine controlled by your own thrusts. This unique sex chair comes fully equipped with a silicone seven-inch dildo that you can easily swap it out for your favourite toy with the universal dildo adapter. The quiet fuck machine is a heavy, solidly built toy made of high-quality materials, and comes with a cover for discreet storage.