Simultaneous Orgasms Aren’t Just a Fantasy: 6 Expert Tips

By Rachel Worthington / May 06, 2022

Simultaneous orgasms — romantic or impractical? It’s a hot debate, and one that is dividing a lot of sex experts these days.

There are certainly some incredible positives when it comes to orgasming at the same time as your partner. But is it really a realistic thing to expect from sex? And further, is it really necessary? We’ve got some answers for you, plus a load of tips to maximize your chances of reaching that elusive shared orgasm.

What is a Simultaneous Orgasm?

Despite the relatively fancy name, it’s a simple concept. Simultaneous orgasms are when you both orgasm at the same time during sex.

Oftentimes, when people talk about simultaneous orgasms, they’re referring to when it happens during PIV (penis in vagina) sex. But, in reality, they can occur during all kinds of sex, with all kinds of partners! Orgasm at the same time while touching each other, or while 69-ing? That’s a simultaneous orgasm, too.

Is It the Same Thing as a Blended Orgasm?

No — a blended orgasm refers to when you have an orgasm while experiencing more than one type of stimulation.

For example, when you orgasm during vaginal penetration whilst also stimulating your clit, you’re having a blended orgasm. Similarly, a blended orgasm can also come from having anal and g-spot stimulation together, or even prostate and penis stimulation at the same time.

But, Why is It Such a Big Thing?

Well, if almost every movie and tv show is to be believed, then that’s just how sex works, right? You fumble about under the covers a bit, let out a breath-y moan, then there’s the grasping of the sheets before you both climax and roll off each other in mutual satisfaction. Right?

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that the truth is pretty far from that. Although it’s pretty difficult to give an accurate estimate of how many couples orgasm at the same time, worldwide sex toy retailer Lovehoney conducted a survey of 4,400 people to get some insights. They found that:

  • 61% of the couples they surveyed had the goal of orgasming at the same time
  • 89% had experienced a shared orgasm at least once
  • 37% had simultaneous orgasms at least half the time they had sex

While that last figure is much lower than the others, it still may seem surprisingly high to some. And there may be a reason for that: Lovehoney collected this data through social media and email, so it’s quite likely that these respondents are a bit more sex-savvy than the average person. Plus, they’re probably also much more frequent sex toy-users, too!

How to Achieve a Simultaneous Orgasm

If you want to have a go at experiencing the mystical shared orgasm, then you might have to put a bit of work in. No matter how effortless it always seems in the movies, real life requires a little more intention and planning. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to take all the joy and sexiness out of having an orgasm!

Here are some tips to help you and your partner on the way to orgasming together:

Discuss It as a Couple

Before you jump straight into sex, have a chat with your partner about your desire for a simultaneous orgasm. Do you both want to try it? You can also talk about what turns you both on, and what you can do to heighten each other’s pleasure.

If you’re reading this in an effort to have simultaneous orgasms with your one-night stand(s), then perhaps first think about why you want that. They can, of course, be great, but often a shared orgasm is truthfully less important than simply giving both partners enough time to feel warmed up and primed for an amazing orgasm. It might take different times for you both, but that’s okay!

The One Who Takes Longer Sets the Pace

It’s much easier to slow down an orgasm than to speed one up. That means that the partner who usually takes longer to orgasm, or who orgasms less reliably, should be the one who sets the pace of the sex. In heterosexual relationships this is often the female partner, but not always!

To avoid feeling rushed or pressured, have this partner decide when foreplay should transition to penetrative sex, how fast or slow to go, when to switch positions and more. Of course, if the other partner is feeling close to orgasm, they’ll have to speak up and let things chill out for while — that’s why communication during sex is important.

Use a Sex Toy

This probably won’t come as a surprise, but here at Bedbible we love sex toys! Not only are they ideal companions for solo sessions, but they are one of the best ways to close the orgasm gap between men and women.

One of the biggest issues that female partners face during sex is a lack of clitoral stimulation. If you often feel like you’re lacking enough stimulation from sex, especially penetrative sex, then invest in a good sex toy that can provide that for you. It could be a super rumbly bullet vibrator, a powerful clit sucker, a little hands-free toy that does the work for you, or even a c-shaped vibrator that both of you can enjoy!

Switch Positions

You don’t have to be able to put your legs behind your head to try out some new and exciting sex positions! We’re all different, and one reason you may be taking a long time (or too short a time!) to orgasm is because the position just isn’t right for you. You can also try adjusting the angles of the positions you are using by using a pillow or sex wedge, which can facilitate much better g-spot contact during sex.

Try Masturbating Together

Sometimes a simultaneous orgasm during sex can be difficult because you’re not totally in control of your own stimulation. One of the easiest ways to make sure that you orgasm at the same time is take your pleasure into your own hands and masturbate together. It doesn’t have to be a totally solo event either — kiss and touch each other as you go, paying attention to each other’s rhythms to see when you’re both near climax.

Don’t Focus on the Orgasm

In the end, even if you don’t orgasm at the same time, that doesn’t mean the sex was bad! A quick way to poison your enjoyment of sex is to focus solely on orgasming together, so try not to make it the only star of the show. If it happens then great, and if it doesn’t then it should still have been pretty great, too.

And, of course, no hard feelings if it doesn’t happen. Don’t hold a grudge or try to point fingers at whose fault it was.

Are Simultaneous Orgasms Actually Better?

As far as I can see, it’s not really a case of better or worse.

Orgasming together with your partner can be an incredibly intimate thing. You both feel so in-sync with each other, and having such a strong outpouring of positive feelings and sensations simultaneously can feel very special. That’s not to mention the crazy sexy sounds you’re both making together!

Simultaneous orgasms can be not just physically arousing, but mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. But, that doesn’t mean that they’re not the be all and end all of sex! There are still some issues with shared orgasms, and some things that they just can’t offer.

Seeing Your Partner Orgasm

One downside of a simultaneous climax is that you’ll most likely be too wrapped up in your own pleasure to really experience your partner’s orgasm. There’s something so hot about seeing your partner orgasm, especially when you’re the one making it happen! Their face, their movements, the sounds they make — all things you can miss if you’re too caught up in your own orgasm to notice.

The thing to keep in mind is that it’s not a great feeling to always be the first or last person to orgasm. Try to vary the order that you orgasm in, to keep things fresh and fair for everyone.

Too Much Focus on Timing

Trying to cum together can put a lot of pressure on you both to have an orgasm at the right time. That means trying hard to not get there too soon, or too late.

If one of you often takes a long time to reach orgasm, then the other partner will have to wait for you. Conversely, if you one you is prone to orgasming quickly, then the other one may well feel a lot of pressure to get to orgasm quickly, too. This is often a recipe for stressful, unsatisfying sexy times — not exactly the transcendent orgasmic experience you were hoping for.

Orgasms Aren’t the Only Worthwhile Thing About Sex

It can be a good practice to try and move your focus away from the ‘end point’ of sex. Instead, try exploring the sensations and pleasures that you experience all the way through sex. Follow your natural rhythms — they may well go up and down as you try different things together, so listen to your body and find out what feels good for you. This may well have the added bonus of making sex last longer, too!