How Many Relationships Fail? [+20 Breakup Statistics]
By Bedbible Research Center / September 29, 2023
In the intricate dance of relationships, breakups are an inevitable reality. Bedbible’s latest research offers a comprehensive look into the patterns, reasons, and aftermath of breakups.
With over 1.3 million data points gathered from 13,866 respondents, this study delves deep into the nuances of relationship endings.
From the surprising percentage of couples that break up within the first year to the impact of long-distance dynamics, this report sheds light on the complexities of modern relationships.
Whether you’re curious about the most common reasons for breakups or the likelihood of couples reuniting, this statistical piece offers insights that might just change the way you view relationships.
In this survey dataset, there are over 1,320,000 data points from 13,866 respondents available. It is by far the largest breakup statistic ever made. You may use material from this report and dataset as long as you refer to this original report. For special requests, the full dataset, or questions, please email the Bedbible Research Center at researchcenter@bedbible.com.
Key breakup statistics
- 70% of straight couples break up in the first year of their relationship.
- 64% of Americans have gone through the breakup of a long-term relationship.
- 41.9% of long-distance relationships break up (comparable to 41.2% of marriages).
- 58% of Americans say breakups are messy.
- 88% of Americans believe it is always necessary to break up with someone in person.
- 94.3% of all couples that get together break up at some point.
- 59% of people remain Facebook friends with their ex.
- 71% of people say they tend to think about an ex too much (74% of women, 67% of men)
- If a couple has been together for more than 10 years there is only a 14.9% chance they break up.
- Breakups happen more often at Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
- 36% of married people say that their attachment to their ex interferes with their marriage.
- 65% of U.S. college students had broken up and then gotten back together again.
- 37% of couples living together, and 23% of married couples have broken up and then gotten back together again
- 10-17% of married couples separated and then got back together again, and about 40% of separated married couples attempted a reconciliation.
- Married couples that reunite after divorce have a 72% chance of staying together for life.
- 44% of young adults aged 17 to 24, reported breaking up and getting back together again, with 53% admitting to having sex with an ex.
How many couples break up, and don’t get back together
This first data shows how likely any relationship ever formed is to break up and how many relationships actually last forever (or is ongoing).
The data shows that:
- 94.3% of all relationships go through a break up and never get back together.
- In other words, 94.3% of all couples will break up eventually.
- On the positive side of things, 1 in 20 relationships last forever and never break up.
When put into context those numbers somewhat make sense, although the fact that almost 95% of couples will break up without getting back together can seem astonishing.
| How many couples break up, and don’t get back together | % |
|---|---|
| Total | 94.3% |
| : Long term relationship | 63.9% |
| : Long distance relationships | 41.9% |
| : Marriages | 41.2% |
What the data also shows is statistics on long distance relationships, on long term relationships and how many married couples divorce. It showed that:
- 63.9% of couples that break up were in a long term relationship.
- 41.9% of all couples that break up were in a long distance relationship.
- 41.2% of all break ups happens to married couples and result in a divorce.
Breakups become less likely with time
The below table shows the likelihood of a relationship breaking down tabulated by years the couple has been together. So, in the first year there is a 70% chance that the couple breakup after establishing themselves as a couple (short term dating is excluded).
| Years together | Straight, unmarried | Same-sex, unmarried | Straight, married | Same-sex, marriage-like |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 70% | 76% | 5% | – |
| 2 | 52% | 61% | 5% | – |
| 3 | 34% | 42% | 5% | – |
| 4 | 28% | 28% | 5% | – |
| 5 | 20% | 21% | 5% | – |
| 6 | 18% | 18% | 5% | 9% |
| 7 | 17% | 15% | 5% | 8% |
| 8 | 16% | 12% | 5% | 7% |
| 9 | 15% | 10% | 4% | 7% |
| 10 | 15% | 10% | 4% | 6% |
| 11 | 14% | 9% | 4% | 6% |
| 12 | 14% | 8% | 4% | 5% |
| 13 | 13% | 8% | 4% | 5% |
| 14 | 12% | 7% | 4% | 5% |
| 15 | 12% | 7% | 4% | 4% |
| 16 | 12% | 6% | 4% | 4% |
| 17 | 11% | 6% | 4% | 4% |
| 18 | 11% | 6% | 4% | 4% |
| 19 | 11% | 5% | 4% | 3% |
| 20 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 3% |
| 21 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 3% |
| 22 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 3% |
| 23 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 3% |
| 24 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 2% |
| 25 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 2% |
| 26 | 10% | 5% | 3% | 2% |
| 27 | 11% | 5% | 3% | 2% |
| 28 | 11% | 5% | 3% | 2% |
| 29 | 12% | 5% | 2% | 2% |
| 30 | 12% | 5% | 2% | 2% |
| 31 | 12% | 5% | 2% | 2% |
| 32 | 12% | 5% | 2% | 2% |
| 33 | 12% | 5% | 2% | 1% |
| 34 | 13% | 6% | 2% | 1% |
| 35 | 13% | 6% | 2% | 1% |
| 36 | 14% | – | 2% | 1% |
| 37 | 14% | – | 1% | 1% |
| 38 | 14% | – | 1% | 1% |
| 39 | 15% | – | 1% | 1% |
| 40 | 15% | – | 1% | 1% |
Average length of relationship before a breakup happens
In total the data shows that the average relationship lasts 2 years and 9 months.
When asking different age groups, however, the numbers are completely different.
| Total | 18-34 | 35-54 | 55+ | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Average length of relationship (before breakup) | 2 years and 9 months | 3 months | 4 years and 2 months | 11 years and 10 months |
How are breakups – messy and dramatic, or casual and civic?
When respondents are asked about the former breakups they tend to agree that they are messy and dramatic rather than casual and civic.
The data also shows that the older the respondents the more messy and dramatic respondents believe them to have been.
| Breakups tend to be … | Total | 18-34 | 35-54 | 55+ |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| … messy and dramatic | 58.2% | 52.1% | 60.4% | 63.0% |
| … casual and civic | 24.7% | 29.2% | 27.9% | 19.9% |
| … don’t know | 16.1% | 19.7% | 11.7% | 17.1% |
- 58.2% feel their former break ups were messy and dramatic, while only 24.7% thought they were casual and civic.
- Couples that are older more often experience break ups as messy and dramatic.
Who breaks up most – men or women?
| Who ends the relationship | Women | Men |
|---|---|---|
| I have broken up a relationship | 76% | 62% |
| I have never broken up a relationship | 17% | 33% |
| A former partner broke up with me | 67% | 30% |
| I have never been broken up with | 30% | 12% |
- While 76% of women have tried to break up a relationship only 62% of men have.
- 67% of women said that they have experienced a former partner breaking up with them, while only 30% of men reported the same.
- 12% of men said that they have been broken up with before, while only 30% of women reported the same.
How have you been broken up with?
| How have you been broken up with? | Total | 18-34 | 35-54 | 55+ |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| In person | 57% | 41% | 62% | 66% |
| Phone call | 29% | 27% | 37% | 24% |
| Text | 17% | 34% | 15% | 3% |
| Letter | 10% | 9% | 11% | 9% |
| 8% | 12% | 9% | 3% |
- 57% have been broken up with in person.
- 29% have been broken up with through a phone call.
- 17% have been broken up with on a text.
- 10% have experienced being broken up with via a letter, while another 8% was broken up with on email.
When are breakups more likely to happen
If we dig into the dataset and look at some correlations we find that breakups are more likely to happen at certain times, on certain days, and during specific seasons and changes in the relationship.
- Breakups are more likely to happen on a few special days
- Valentines day
- April fool’s day
- Christmas day (and the two weeks leading up to it)
- We also found that breakups happened more often on mondays compared to any other day of the week.
- Some seasons also sparked more breakups that others
- During the summer holiday a relatively higher proportion of couples break up.
- During spring breakups also seemed to be on the rise.
- Long distance relationships would seem like an obvious thing leading to a breakup, but the data actually shows that couples are more likely to break up after reuniting.
Why do breakups happen?
Through our data we were able to compile a ranked list of the top reasons respondents gave for their past breakups:
- When your partner starts flaunting flaws more often
- After intense feelings of love faints that otherwise supress activity in the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking
- Idolization meets reality, typical in long term relationships
- When reality and everyday tasks set in
- Communication starts lacking
- Lack of understanding of partners wants and needs
- Realizing your partner is not as generous as you used to think
- Pre-set limits for how long the relationship was ‘meant’ to last
- Lack of self-love and happiness with own person
- Lack of physical attraction and intimacy
- Money issues
What happens after a break up?
After a break up 37% of respondents said they cut all contact, while another 40% said they remained in contact.
The data showed that older people are more likely to remain in contact after a break up. More than 50% of young couples that break up cut all contact to each other.
| Cut all contact | Remained in contact | |
|---|---|---|
| Total | 37% | 40% |
| 18-29 | 54% | 28% |
| 30-44 | 36% | 43% |
| 45-64 | 32% | 40% |
| 65+ | 31% | 45% |
Is staying in contact more beneficial or harmful
As a second step in understanding the dynamics of post-breakup relationships and getting through it respondents were asked to judge if they believed staying in contact was more beneficial or harmful for getting over the breakup.
- 38% believe that it is harmful to stay in contact after a break up.
- 17% believe it is beneficial to stay in contact after a break up.
- 28% does not believe it’s either harmful nor beneficial to stay on contact.
| Was staying in contact was more beneficial or harmful? | % |
|---|---|
| Much more beneficial to stay in contact | 3% |
| somewhat more beneficial to stay in contact | 14% |
| Does not help nor hurt to stay in contact | 28% |
| Somewhat more harmful to stay in contact | 20% |
| Much more harmful to stay in contact | 18% |
The ex – thinking about them after a breakup
Respondents were also asked to think about an ex, and answer yes if they agreed with the following questions:
| I think too much about my ex | % that said yes |
|---|---|
| Total | 71% |
| : Singles | 81% |
| : In relationship | 72% |
| : Married | 60% |
71% reported that they think too much about their ex-partner after a break up. People who are single are more likely to think too much about their ex-partner (81%) compared to people in relationships (71%) and married people (60%). However, it is still quite astonishing that 60% of married people believe that they think too much about their ex-partner.
Most likely ways to respond to ending a relationship
Respondents were told to imagine future breakups and choose all options/reactions that they would likely have in that scenario.
| How would you respond to a relationship ending? | % choose this option |
|---|---|
| Delete my ex’s contact in my phone | 23% |
| Delete all photos from social media that include both my ex and me | 25% |
| Get rid of all presents my ex has given me | 11% |
| Update my relationship status on social media | 25% |
| Have a “rebound” or fling with someone else | 11% |
| Start online dating | 11% |
| Unfollow my ex on social media | 25% |
| Return possessions of theirs you have | 44% |
| Change account passwords that they may have access to | 45% |
| None of the above | 15% |
| Not sure | 12% |
Images of your ex after a breakup
What respondents were asked more in depth about was the relationship to images of their ex.
| Have you looked at images of your ex after a break up? | % |
|---|---|
| No | 14% |
| Yes | 86% |
| Yes, multiple times | 25% |
| Yes, also while in new relationship/marriage | 14% |
Hooking up with your ex after a breakup
Respondents also admitted to having sex with an ex after a breakup.
| Have you had sex with your ex after breaking up? | |
|---|---|
| No | 66% |
| Yes | 34% |
| Yes, Multiple times | 20% |
Breakup etiquette
- 88% of Americans believe it is always necessary to break up with someone in person.
Even though Americans believe that to be necessary our data showed that only 57% was broken up with in person, as opposed to through text, phone calls, letters or emails.
Rediscovering Yourself After a Breakup
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In conclusion, while breakups can be emotionally taxing, they also open doors to self-exploration and personal growth. With the right tools and mindset, you can transform this challenging phase into a period of self-love and rediscovery.
