The 11 Best BDSM Toys to Help You Get Kinky

    Isabelle Uren
    by Isabelle Uren
    Price ComparisonExpert– and user reviewsHonest & Inclusive
    best BDSM toy in test
    BDSM toys come in all shapes and sizes and give you the tools you need to live out your kinkiest fantasies! Whether you want some new restraints to explore dominance and submission, some new impact plays to keep your sub in line, or sensation toys to tease every inch skin, we’ve got something for you in the round up of all the best BDSM toys! Building your BDSM toolkit takes time, and with so many different options out there, it can be difficult to know where to start, but I’ll also be breaking down some of the more common toys and what they are used for. So whether you are a BDSM beginner or an advanced player, you’re bound to find something to get you all hot and bothered in this review!

    How We Tested the BDSM Toys in This Post

    As a company we have written 500+ reviews, so we know what to look for in a great BDSM toy! We’ve put over 50 hours of research, testing and writing into this review alone, as we take your pleasure seriously!

    We also know the value of getting first-hand experiences which is why we collect thousands of ratings from real user, and, where possible, even have one of out amazing sex toy testers put the BDSM toy through it paces. Our testers are never afraid to share the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to reviewing sex toys.

    Together with bringing you all the product specs, these multifaceted approach gives you all the information you need to decide if the toy will be a good match for you!

    How We Tested the BDSM Toys in This Post

    Popular Types of BDSM Toys

    • Restraints — Restraints are perfect for exploring dominance and submission, as they leave you tied up and at the mercy of your partner! Bondage rope and bondage tape, give you the most freedom as they can be used in almost any position but can be more difficult to use. There are also loads of different restraints designed to be used in different positions, such as thigh cuffs, bed restraints, hogtie restraints, cuffs, and spreader bars.
    • Sensation play toys — Awaken the senses with ticklers, pinwheels, or even an electric dildo!
    • Impact toys — Keep you sub in line with a flogger, spanking paddle, or cane. Impact toys are a great tool for exploring dominance/submission, and they also help increase blood flow, making the area extra sensitive to touch.
    • Gags — If you love complete submission or need to muffle your partner’s moans of pleasure, a gag could be the toy for you! Some popular types of gags are ball gags, O-ring gags, spider gags, and penis gags.
    • CBT Toys — If the idea of having your cock and balls teased and tortured there are plenty of tools to choose from — a BDSM cock ring, some testicle weight, or a ball stretcher!
    • Fetish wear — The right outfit can really help you get into the mood! So whether you are looking for the perfect outfit for you medical role play or you simply love leather or PVC, there’s a design to suit every style!
    • Chastity Chastity belts and chastity cages are perfect for orgasm denial and total submission of your pleasure! Get locked up and give your partner the key or build the excitement with some chastity games.

    FAQ

    Where to buy bdsm toys?
    You always want to shop for BDSM gear from reputable, trustworthy shops to make sure you are getting a quality product that is safe to use! You can shop safely for BDSM toys from any link on the page as we only recommend shops we trust!
    Can I make my own BDSM toys?
    We always recommend buying purpose-made BDSM tools as these are the safest option. That being said, you can use some household objects to explore sensation play. Check out the 'DIY BDSM for Kinky Crafters' blog post for more some ideas.
    How to store your bdsm toys?
    You should always store you BDSM toys in a dry, clean space. Each item should have its own storage bag, especially if it is something that is inserted into your body.
    What are the best bondage toys for beginners?
    If you are just getting started with bondage, I would recommend trying out some simple restraints such as velcro cuffs or getting a bondage kit that comes with a selection of beginner-friendly options.

    What is a BDSM Toy?

    BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, submission and dominance or sadomasochism. It encompasses a wide range of kinky sexual activities including using restraints for bondage play, power play, impact play, sensation play, temperature play, and role play, amongst others. Pretty much any sex toy can be used as a BDSM toy but there are some that are designed for specific types of BDSM play to make it possible to live out your wildest fantasies! Anoyone can use BDSM toys to explore their kinks — you don't have to be a BDSM expert, as there are plenty of beginner friendly options as well! Many people start off with something less intimidating like a pair of handcuffs or a feather tickler, but there are also plenty of BDSM toys designed for more experienced players as well.

    Table of contents (0)

    The 10 Best BDSM toys in Test

    1 Cuffs

    Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Wrist Cuffs

    Design: 95
    Ease of Use: 100
    Quality: 95
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    These faux leather cuffs from Bondage Boutique are a perfect introduction to bondage. Secure your partner’s hands wherever you want them, while you tease every inch of their body! The cuffs feature a buckle closing and D-rings for attaching more restraints, and they are adjustable from 7-11.5 inches. The faux leather looks the part while also being vegan and much easier to care for than regular leather!

    Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Wrist Cuffs test
    Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Wrist Cuffs features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Bondage Boutique Cuffs if you...
    want to explore wrist restraint
    want vegan friendly cuffs
    prefer a buckle closure
    You should NOT buy the Bondage Boutique Cuffs if you...
    prefer real leather
    want velcro for quick fastening/release
    have very small wrists
    Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Wrist Cuffs features
    Features
    Length12 inches
    MaterialsFaux Leather 
    FasteningBuckle 
    Adjustable7-11.5 inches 
    Pros
    Secure buckle closures
    Vegan leather
    Easy to care for
    Can be combined with other restraints
    Cons
    Can be too big for smaller people
    Can't remove chain completely
    Conclusion

    Bondage cuffs are a BDSM staple for beginners and advanced players alike and these are fantastic option! The padding on these cuffs makes the comfortable to wear, no matter how long you are locked up! The faux leather design and black metal give a sleek look that will suit most styles and help you get into the mood. Even though the cuffs are made of faux leather, they are surprisingly strong, and the buckle fastening feels very secure.

    It would be nice if you could completely detach middle chain, especially if you want to attach the cuffs to other restraints. If you have small wrists, I would recommend measuring your wrists before buying these cuffs, particularly if you want a tight fit as these are a little on the large side for some people.

    2 Nipple Clamps

    Fifty Shades of Grey The Pinch Nipple Clamps

    Design: 90
    Ease of Use: 85
    Quality: 80
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    These tweezer style clamps are great for beginners and more advanced users alike, as you can turn up the pinch to suit your desires! The soft silicone tips let you enjoy a firm squeeze while also being gentle on your sensitive skin. Tipped with weighted balls that add and extra pull, these nipple clamps will leave your nips super sensitive and ready for some seriously good stimulation!

    Fifty Shades of Grey The Pinch Nipple Clamps test
    Fifty Shades of Grey The Pinch Nipple Clamps features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the FSOH Nipple Clamps if you...
    enjoy nipple stimulation
    are looking for some beginners clamps
    prefer adjustable clamps
    You should NOT buy the FSOH Nipple Clamps if you...
    want a more extreme pinch
    want clamps you can tug on
    prefer something weighted
    have inverted nipples when aroused
    Fifty Shades of Grey The Pinch Nipple Clamps features
    Features
    Length3.5 inches
    MaterialsMetal & silicone 
    Storage Bag IncludedYes 
    Pros
    Easily adjustable
    Adorned with small weights
    Comfortable silicone tips
    Perfect for beginners
    Cons
    Can be fiddly to get on
    Tips don't open very wide
    Conclusion

    Whether or not you are a fan of the FSOH franchise, these nipple clamps look and feel fantastic! It can be a bit tricky to figure out how to get the tweezer clamp into position at first, but once in place, they provide a pleasing pinch that you can turn up or down easily. The weighted balls add to the look and it’s fun to see them sway with the movement of your body while also adding some extra stimulation. These are a great addition to any sex toy collection, especially considering how cheap they are! And they even come with a storage bag so you don’t lose them in between uses!

    3 Blindfold

    Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold

    Design: 80
    Ease of Use: 100
    Quality: 85
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    Another BDSM essential, blindfolds are great for exploring sensory deprivation and putting your other senses into a state of high alert! The padded fleece lining and wide elastic band make this blindfold is comfortable to wear for a whole session. Another special feature is the fitted shape that gives way more coverage on the cheeks and nose, so you are really in the dark about what you partner has planned for you!

    Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold test
    Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Bondage Boutique Blindfold if you...
    want to explore sensory deprivation
    are looking for a comfortable blindfold
    You should NOT buy the Bondage Boutique Blindfold if you...
    need total darkness
    Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold features
    Features
    MaterialsNeoprene & Polychloroprene 
    FasteningStraps 
    Pros
    Soft & comfortable
    Fleece lined
    Fitted shape for better coverage
    Thick elastic band
    Cons
    Can let a small amount of light in
    Conclusion

    This makes a perfect beginners blindfold. It’s soft, sexy, and does a great job of blocking your sense of sight. The fitted shape around the nose really reduces how much light can get in and gives much better coverage than standard eye masks. That being said, some light does seep in from under the mask, so if you are an advanced player and are looking for total darkness/sensory deprivation, you might want to look for a blindfold with more coverage.  This mask is a cheap way to add a lot of anticipation and excitement to all sorts of play and is a great tool for exploring dominance and submission.

    4 Tickler

    Fetish Fantasy Frisky Black Feather Tickler

    Design: 90
    Ease of Use: 100
    Quality: 80
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    This elegant tickler is perfect for exploring your dark, seductive side. Torture your partner with tickling strokes that will leave them craving more intense touch. With luxurious, shimmering black feathers and a long, wrapped handle, this feather tickler looks sexy and sensual. The soft feathers are perfect for teasing the most sensitive spots and watching your partner writhe!

     

    Fetish Fantasy Frisky Black Feather Tickler test
    Fetish Fantasy Frisky Black Feather Tickler features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Frisky Feather Tickler if you...
    love being teased
    want an accessory for sexy maid training
    want a tickler with feathers
    You should NOT buy the Frisky Feather Tickler if you...
    don't want a tickler with real feathers
    Fetish Fantasy Frisky Black Feather Tickler features
    Features
    Length16 inches inches
    MaterialsFeathers 
    Pros
    Elegant black design
    Coque feathers
    Wrapped handle
    Well-made
    Cons
    Can lose feathers with time
    Vegans might not want to use real feathers
    Conclusion

    If you love sensation play or want to explore it, this feather tickler is a great place to start! The feathers have a beautiful iridescent quality that shimmers and changes color as the light hits them. The handle is a good size and easy to use and the whole tickler feels well made, considering the low price. If you really want to up the tension, you can combine a feather tickler with some restraints, so your partner can’t escape! If this tickler doesn’t do it for you, check out this review of the best ticklers out there.

    5 Flogger

    Bondage Boutique Advanced Extra Long Suede Flogger

    Design: 100
    Ease of Use: 80
    Quality: 90
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    This luxury flogger is made from soft supple suede that feels fantastic against your skin no matter how you choose to use it. The long tails are perfect for more advanced flogger play as they can make quite the thwack! But it’s not all about pain, the long falls can be used to tickle your partner between thwacks for a sweet mix of sensations. The wrapped and studded handle is easy to keep hold of and the wrist band provides extra security.

    Bondage Boutique Advanced Extra Long Suede Flogger test
    Bondage Boutique Advanced Extra Long Suede Flogger features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Bondage Boutique Suede Flogger if you...
    looking for a more advance flogger
    love the feel of suede
    enjoy more intense impact play
    You should NOT buy the Bondage Boutique Suede Flogger if you...
    looking for a first time flogger
    are vegan
    Bondage Boutique Advanced Extra Long Suede Flogger features
    Features
    LengthTails - 13.5  inches
    MaterialsSuede 
    Pros
    Soft, strong suede
    Long tails
    Easy to grip handle
    Wrist strap
    Cons
    Not suitable for beginners
    Material can shed
    Conclusion

    I love that this flogger can create such a range of sensations! It really is a perfect pick for anyone looking to advance their flogging game. The longer falls can really pack a punch if you want them to but the suede also feels fantastic when trailed over the body. The handles is nice and easy to grip. Overall, it looks and feels much more luxurious than some of the cheaper, beginners floggers. The only downside to this flogger is that it can shed small black pieces. If you are looking for a beginner-friendly flogger or something a little cheaper, check out this round up of the best floggers, with options for all abilities and budgets.

    6 Spanking Paddle

    Sportsheets Leather Slut Slapper Paddle

    Design: 60
    Ease of Use: 80
    Quality: 60
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    This unique spanking paddle from Sportsheets delivers intense impact play and has a naughty message to put your sub in their place! The dual-layer design creates an incredibly satisfying slapping sound with each swing of the paddle, adding to the excitement and anticipation! The carved slut logo will look so good imprinted your partner’s behind — perfect for anyone who enjoys erotic humiliation!

    Sportsheets Leather Slut Slapper Paddle test
    Sportsheets Leather Slut Slapper Paddle features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Slut Slapper if you...
    love humiliation play
    enjoy a loud noise during impact play
    are looking for medium level pain
    crave a stingy slap
    You should NOT buy the Slut Slapper if you...
    want something that leaves a lasting mark
    crave more intense pain during impact play
    Sportsheets Leather Slut Slapper Paddle features
    Features
    Length13 inches
    MaterialsLeather 
    Pros
    Dual-layer designed for improved slap sound
    Cut out SLUT logo
    Leather
    Suitable for beginners
    Cons
    Difficult to achieve SLUT imprint
    Might not be intense enough for people who crave more pain
    Conclusion

    If you love the thrill of spanking and the audible slap, but don’t want too much pain, the Slut Slapper is a great option. The dual-layer designs mean this slapper is more bark than bite! You still get a good stingy slap, but it’s not the most intense and you can use it lightly and still get a great sound. The slut design is exciting, especially if you love being humiliated in bed but it’s difficult to actually make an imprint — you need to be pretty heavy with the paddle to leave a mark.

    7 Ball Gag

    Sportsheets Saffron Silicone Ball Gag

    Design: 95
    Ease of Use: 80
    Quality: 77
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    Muffle your partners moans as you tease them from head to toe! This silicone ball gag is comes in a sexy red and black design that looks amazing in their mouth! The straps are adjustable to fit most sizes and closes with a buckle fastening for a snug and secure fit. Additionally, he silicone ball is comfortable to wear so you can enjoy playing with your locked up lover for longer!

    Sportsheets Saffron Silicone Ball Gag test
    Sportsheets Saffron Silicone Ball Gag features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Saffron Ball Gag if you...
    want to explore submission with gag play
    prefer a ball gag without breathing holes
    are looking for a silicone gag
    You should NOT buy the Saffron Ball Gag if you...
    prefer a breathable ball gag
    Sportsheets Saffron Silicone Ball Gag features
    Features
    Diameter1.5 inches
    LengthStrap — Up to 28 inches inches
    FasteningBuckle 
    AdjustableYes 
    Pros
    Comfortable silicone ball
    Locking buckle
    Easy to design
    Seductive red design
    Cons
    Not breathable — not suitable for beginners
    Conclusion

    Ball gags make incredible submissive toys — giving up your main form of communication and not even being able to cry out in pleasure! I love the style of this ball gag, the red signals both danger and passion — perfect for helping you get into subspace! The silicone ball is filling but won’t be as hard on your teeth as a solid plastic ball, making it comfortable to wear for longer sessions. The strap is also comfortable and fastens securely into place. As there are no breathing holes in the ball gag, it’s best suited to those with some experience of being gagged. If you are new to gag play, check out these amazing breathable ball gags that give you all the thrill with a little more ease!

     

     

    8 Harness

    Bondage Boutique Faux Snakeskin Restraint Harness

    Design: 80
    Ease of Use: 70
    Quality: 90
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    This seductive snakeskin effect harness comes equipped with 9 D-rings and a pair of matching cuffs, giving you so many ways to keep your sub locked up in whichever position you want! It even comes with a lead to put you in total control — perfect for going deeper into domination and submission. With a thick, comfortable neck collar and waistband, the harness can be worn on the front or back of the body for more ways to play.

    Bondage Boutique Faux Snakeskin Restraint Harness test
    Bondage Boutique Faux Snakeskin Restraint Harness features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Bondage Boutique Restraint Harness if you...
    are looking to take your bondage play to the next level
    love being led around
    enjoy having your wrists restrained
    want a harness to use with other restraints
    like the look of snake skin
    You should NOT buy the Bondage Boutique Restraint Harness if you...
    have a smaller than average body
    don't like the snakeskin design
    Bondage Boutique Faux Snakeskin Restraint Harness features
    Features
    LengthLeash – 44.5  inches
    Harness SizeCollar: 13-17.25 inches; Belt 36-43 inches; Wrist Cuffs 6-8.5 inches
    Materials Faux Leather 
    FasteningBuckles 
    Pros
    Looks incredible
    Can be worn two ways
    Comes with a leash
    Can be used with different restraints
    Comfortable to wear
    Quick release clips
    Cons
    Waist belt is too big for smaller bodies
    Some parts can dig in or scratch
    Only one color/design option
    Conclusion

    The faux snakeskin is actually done very well here — it feels and looks high quality! The harness is comfortable to wear and the clips feel very sturdy. Being able to wear it on the front or back is great as you can experiment with different positions, and I love how many D-rings it has! Considering you get a harness, cuffs, and a leash, I think this is a pretty great price and would be perfect for anyone who has experimented light bondage and wants to take it up a notch! The waist band on the harness is a little bit on the big side, so if you have a smaller waist, this harness might not work for you.

    9 Bed Restraints

    Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System

    Design: 100
    Ease of Use: 99
    Quality: 90
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    This clever under-bed restraint system can transform any bed into a bondage bed fit for a BDSM dungeon in a matter of minutes. Simply place the main strap under your mattress and then pull the wrist and ankle restraints out to get your lover locked in at and ready to tease! The wrist and ankle cuffs are lined with soft fabric and fasten using velcro, making it quick and easy to get into and change positions. Perfect for discreet bondage at home or even taking with you for some incredibly hot holiday sex!

    Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System test
    Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Sportsheets Bed Restraints if you...
    want to transform your bed into a bondage bed
    want a travel-friendly bondage kit
    need some discreet restraints
    You should NOT buy the Sportsheets Bed Restraints if you...
    want restraints with buckles
    Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System features
    Features
    LengthConnector strap: 60 inches; Straps 60 inches inches
    MaterialsPolypropylene, polyester, nickel free metal, hook and loop, ABS plastic  
    AdjustableFits any size mattress 
    Pros
    Quick and easy to install
    Easy to adjust
    Portable
    Strong
    Comfortable
    Cons
    Might not satisfy more extreme bondage tastes
    Conclusion

    I love how quick and easy this is to set up and adjust! You can enjoy full body bed restraint without having to install permanent hardware or buy a bondage bed.  It’s also super easy to tuck the cuffs under the bed when not in use to keep things discreet. The cuffs feel strong and comfortable and you definitely feel locked in, even though they fasten with velcro. You can also remove the cuffs and use them separately or use the harness to secure your partner to other furniture, so it’s a pretty versatile piece of bondage gear! Not to mention, it’s so portable that it can easily be thrown in a suitcase for bondage play wherever you go.

    10 Bondage Rope

    Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Bondage Rope 10 Meters

    Design: 90
    Ease of Use: 80
    Quality: 75
    Price: 0/5

    Bedbible rating: 0

    User rating:
    No user rating

    Bondage rope offers the flexibility to tie your partner up however you like! This soft, braided cotton bondage rope is perfect for restraining your partners arms and legs, securing them to your bed or a chair, or exploring more Shibari rope art. It’s also machine washable, making it easy to keep the rope clean.

    Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Bondage Rope 10 Meters test
    Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Bondage Rope 10 Meters features
    Recommended for:
    BeginnerIntermediateAdvanced
    You should buy the Japanese-Style Bondage Rope if you...
    want a versatile way to tie your partner up
    are new to using bondage rope
    are looking for rope to explore Shibari
    prefer colored rope
    want cotton rope
    You should NOT buy the Japanese-Style Bondage Rope if you...
    perfer natural colors
    want something stronger that will last a long time
    Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Bondage Rope 10 Meters features
    Features
    Length(10 meters) 394  inches
    MaterialsCotton 
    Pros
    Holds knots well
    Soft on the skin
    Easy to clean
    Available in three colors
    Cons
    Ends fray quickly — need to be sealed
    Not the most durable
    Conclusion

    This is a great bondage rope for beginners — it’s soft and strong and the knots stay put without slipping. You can choose between three colors — the purple is available on Lovehoney and Hustler Hollywood have it in red and black.   Unfortunately, the rope can start to show signs on wear pretty quickly, and the ends fray easily and need to be sealed. That being said, if you are beginner or only use bondage rope every now and again, this is a great purchase, as its comfortable and easy to use, and you get a decent amount of rope for the price.

    Get Everything You Need in One BDSM Starter Kit

    BDSM kits are perfect for exploring your kinky side! Having a selection of beginner friendly BDSM toys gives you the chance to explore a range of sensations and activities and takes some of the mystery out of shopping for new toys! Not to mention, you often get great bang for you buck with a kit being cheaper than buying all the products separately.

    Ready to Elevate Your Bondage?

    Get ready to take your BDSM play to the next level (pun intended) with a sex swing! Not only do sex swings open up so many more options for exciting positions, but they also provide the perfect place to lock your lover up while you take control. Not to mention, you can easily move your partner into whatever position you want them in.

    How to DIY BDSM Toys

    We always recommend buying purpose made sex toys, as they are designed to be both safe and satisfying! That being said, there are some ways to pervert regular household items into BDSM tools in a pinch! Check out this post for even more DIY BDSM ideas —big and small!

    Silicone Baking Tools Sensation Play

    Silicone Baking Tools Sensation Play

    Silicone Baking Tools Sensation Play

    Silicone baking tools make fantastic sensation play tools! Get some slap and tickle with a spatula and brush combo! As they are silicone, they are also easy to keep to clean!

    A Spanking Good Work Out

    A Spanking Good Work Out

    A Spanking Good Work Out

    If you have a workout bench sitting around, making you feel bad for not using it, put it work as a bondage and spanking bench! You can even throw in some restraints to up the ante!

    Purr-fect Pet Play

    Purr-fect Pet Play

    Purr-fect Pet Play

    If you love a bit of pet play but don’t have the budget for a purpose made equipment, you can get some pretty good gear at the pet shop! Treat the pup in your life to a new collar and leash or get them a personalised name tag that they must wear at all times!

    Safety

    Safety

    Safety

    We do not recommend making your own sex toys and always recommend that you purchase purpose-made sex toys from a reputable shop. We are in no way responsible for any harm caused due to the use or sharing of these DIYs. You are 100% responsible for the outcome should you choose to make your own sex toys.

    BDSM Safety 101

    Safety is a big part of BDSM play and the best players know how to get kinky in the safest way! Not only does safe play reduce the risk physical injury, but it also makes sure your psychological needs are met and respected! Here are some safety guidelines that apply to all types of BDSM play starting with some common BDSM acronyms

    S. S. C. — Safe, Sane, & Consensual

    S. S. C. — Safe, Sane, & Consensual

    S. S. C. — Safe, Sane, & Consensual

    These are some of the original fundamental principles of BDSM principles.

    1. Safe — All activities should be as safe as possible.
    2. All involved should be sane and able to make informed decisions. This includes not being under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
    3. All people must give full enthusiastic consent (more on that below).

    R.A.C.K. & P.R.I.C.K.

    R.A.C.K. & P.R.I.C.K.

    R.A.C.K. & P.R.I.C.K.

    R.A.C.K. stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It is a newer version of SSC that puts more focus on being aware of the risks involved in BDSM rather than only saying that play should be ‘safe.’ By educating yourself about the risks involved, you plan how to best avoid those risks and have an effective contingency plan should things go wrong.

    P.R.I.C.K stands for Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink and places more emphasis on individual responsibility.

     

    F.R.I.E.S. Model of Consent

    F.R.I.E.S. Model of Consent

    F.R.I.E.S. Model of Consent

    There’s more nuance to consent than just saying yes or no. The FRIES model can help you understand what true consent is.

    1. Freely given — consent must be given freely by the person without any pressure or coercion.
    2. Reversible — you are free to take back your consent at any point.
    3. Informed — you must have all of the information you need about the activity and people involved to give informed consent.
    4. Enthusiastic — you must see that the person is enthusiastic about the activity and really wants to try it. If they don’t give an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no!
    5. Specific — giving consent to one activity only applies to that specific activity. It does not mean you have consent to any other activities. You must get consent for each and every activity.

    Hard and Soft Boundaries

    Hard and Soft Boundaries

    Hard and Soft Boundaries

    Before any BDSM play, you should discuss your hard and soft boundaries.

    Hard boundaries are things that are absolutely off-limits.

    Soft boundaries are more context dependent. These are things that you aren’t comfortable with but might consider in certain circumstances.

    Both types of boundaries should be respected at all times, and you should never coerce or try to persuade someone to change or bend a hard or soft boundary.

    Safe words & Safe Signals

    Safe words & Safe Signals

    Safe words & Safe Signals

    Safe words and safe signals are essential for communicating that the play needs to stop instantly. If your mouth is going to be full, if you are wearing a gag for example, you should use a signal like tapping twice. A safe word should always be an unusual word that can’t be mistaken for part of the play.

    You can also use a traffic light system. Green means everything is ok. Orange/yellow means proceed with caution. Red means stop immediately.

    Safety Gear

    Safety Gear

    Safety Gear

    If you are engaging in any bondage play, you should always have some safety shears in case you need to release your partner quickly.

    You should also have a first aid kit on hand to treat any injuries.

    Other activities might require specific safety equipment, so always plan ahead.

    Aftercare

    Aftercare

    Aftercare

    When the scene/play session is over, it’s time for aftercare! BDSM (and sex in general) involves a lot of physical and psychological stimulation. Aftercare can help ease out of the BDSM space and regulate the strong emotions that come with more extreme play. Aftercare can include attending to any small injuries, such as scrapes or bruises, cuddling, having something to eat and drink, and talking about what you liked and didn’t like.

    How to use BDSM Toys

    While I can’t cover every type of BDSM toy, here are some of the most common types and how to use them to make your partner tremble with pleasure and excitement!

    How to use BDSM Toys

    Flogger

    Flogger

    Floggers are great for all intensities and level of BDSM play. At the low intensity level, you can trail the flogger over your partner’s body for some tickly stroking sensations. Trailing the flogger gently over your partner’s genitals can feel incredible arousing! Moving on from that you can start with some gentle swings to flog meaty parts of the body such as the thighs, buttocks, and calves. You should never flog any bony areas or areas near organs such as the spine, chest, or kidney area.

    Tickler

    How to use BDSM Toys

    Ticklers look innocent but the psychological torture can be extreme! You can use these pretty much anywhere on the body. Start with less sensitive areas to get used to the sensation and slowly move towards the more tickly spots, making sure to check in with your partner about what feels good and where to avoid.

    How to use BDSM Toys
    How to use BDSM Toys

    Bondage Rope

    Bondage Rope

    Bondage rope is extremely versatile and can be used to restrain certain limbs, like binding your partners hands behind their back, restraining them to an item of furniture, like a bed or a chair, and it can be used for the more artistic Shibari rope tying. Be sure not to tie the rope too tight — you should be able to insert a few fingers between the rope and your partner’s body and keep your safety shears handy! I recommend watching some YouTube videos to learn some basic knots as a starting point.

    Spanking Paddle

    How to use BDSM Toys

    Spanking paddles are great for light to more intense impact play. Stick to using them on fleshy area such as the buttocks and thigh. Start with some more gentle slaps to warm up before moving onto stingier slaps. You can intensify the experience by alternating  between gentle slaps, stroking with your hand, and harder slaps.

    How to use BDSM Toys

    How to Clean BDSM Toys

    Given the broad range of BDSM toys and all the different materials, you should check the cleaning instructions that come with your particular BDSM toy. You should clean your BDSM gear before and after every use, using soap and water or a sex toy cleanser if your toy is made of waterproof materials. If your toy is made of leather, you can use saddle soap to clean it and remember to condition it after to keep it in good condition for longer. Bear in mind that many BDSM tools are porous and difficult to clean, so you shouldn't share them with multiple partners.

    Porous
    materials

    Soft plastic, hard plastic, jelly, rubber, Cyberskin are all porous materials, meaning that small particles and bacteria can penetrate the surface. This makes it impossible to completely clean these types of materials.

    Therefore, it is recommended that you use a condom with these types of toys, especially if you are sharing them. Clean these toys with mild soapy water and dry gently with a towel. These materials are more easily damaged, so be sure to be gentle and make sure your toys are completely dry before storing.

    Non-propous
    materials

    Silicone, glass, stainless steel and some hard plastics can all be washed using a mild soap (like you would use on your body) and warm water. Just be careful if your toy contains electrical parts.

    Silicone and stainless steel toys without any electrical parts can also be boiled for sterilisation.

    The toys with electrical
    components

    If your toys contain electrical components, be extra careful when cleaning them and always check the instructions provided with the toy. You can use a gentle cloth and soap to wipe or sex toy cleaner or cleaning wipe to down your toy, making sure that no water comes into contact with the electrical parts.

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