Nothosaur Zerger Alien Ovipositor Review

Personal Experience

Caveats

For such a harsh review, there are a couple of caveats. First of all, it might be easier to penetrate if you have a vagina. Unfortunately (for the sake of this review), I do not. It could be that Zerger was not designed for male anatomy, but there’s nothing to indicate that on the website. Second, I have the large size of Zerger, and smaller sizes will have a better cross-section ratio and technically wouldn’t be as floppy. Still, I can’t say for sure if either of these factors would make enough of a difference. I have a lot of experience getting these sorts of things to work, and it seems so thoroughly impossible. The sheer instability of the silicone is not the only design flaw, so I think it fails on a holistic, complete sense. When we contacted Nothosaur about this, they mentioned that they welcome customers contacting them to request a firmer silicone than what they provide by default, but I wasn’t aware of this option when I received my toy.

The Other Design Flaws

You’d think having a large channel to push eggs through would make it easier, but it doesn’t. The larger Zerger is bigger around than the biggest eggs that Nothosaur provides. I have an egg mold for bigger eggs myself, and even then it’s not great. The ovipositor doesn’t constrict around the egg at all. If you aren’t careful at every moment, even large eggs will fall right back out. Zerger has a tendency to fold into two flat planes when you squeeze, effectively only pushing against two points of the egg instead of all around the bottom of the egg. To be fair this always happens to some degree when you squeeze a hollow tube, but it’s extra prevalent here. The smaller eggs are downright unusable, as they have a tendency to turn sideways in the middle of the chamber. I observed this both with and without the egg pusher. Sideways eggs will not deposit correctly. The other design flaw are the four protrusions at the end (I’ll call them prongs). If the material had any structural integrity at all, it looks like they would come together and form a tapered point. As a tentacle enthusiast, I am keenly aware how fantastic tapered points are for making penetration easier. This is why I was so foolishly confident asking for the large size. Unfortunately, they don’t work like that at all. Immediately upon hitting any surface, they either fold outward, effectively making Zerger even wider, or they fold inward, acting like a sheet covering the hole that Zerger needs to go into. Most often, you get both. I could probably make the toy a lot easier by cutting off the prongs. It’s so heartbreaking, because they look so cool.

It Looks So Cool

Credit where it’s due, Zerger has brilliant visual design. It looks like some arthropod but with these fleshy outgrowths on either side, and the prongs look so organic it’s easy to imagine slimy eggs sliding out of the opening. It’s so alien and yet so clearly a reproductive organ. This is exactly the kind of thing I want in me. I wish it worked.

Accessories

While not the focus of the review, I did also receive egg molds and an egg pusher. The egg molds are great. I personally prefer the egg mold I had, just because of the size, but the Nothosaur egg molds are much better quality. The eggs they make have much less of a seam where the mold comes together, making the eggs much stronger without that structural weak point. The molds are also easier to get apart. As for the egg pusher, I don’t really like egg pushers for ovipositors that work, so it really didn’t matter to me here. I guess it solves the constriction problem but it’s awkward to use and feels a step removed from the fantasy of this creature’s appendage pumping the eggs in.