If you ever felt pain or discomfort during anal sex or are butt curious but afraid of potential pain, you might be tempted to try some anal numbing lube. However, you might want to reconsider reaching for that tube. Anal numbing lube can do more harm than good for a few different reasons.
As well as sharing some info on why anal numbing lube is not your friend, I will also share my top tips for safe, pain-free anal sex.
What’s So Bad About Anal Numbing Lube?
Of course, there are different types of numbing anal lube and how you use it also plays a big part. However, there are some potential risks that come with desensitizing your anus.
There is a higher risk of injury
Pain is your body’s way of communicating that something is wrong. It lets you know if you are injured or about to be injured so you can limit the damage. If you numb your anus, you do not get this critical biofeedback and are more likely to push your body further than it is ready for, resulting in injury. Or, you might be more vigorous than you would be without it, leading to more pain after sex.
Anal sex should not be painful. If you feel pain during anal sex, this is your body telling you that something is wrong and you need to stop. Rather than blocking out your body’s signals, you should actually aim to tune into your bodily sensations to better understand what feels good and what doesn’t.
The ingredients can be harmful
Benzocaine and lidocaine are common ingredients in anal numbing lube. These local anaesthetic substances have been used in medicine and dentistry for a long time, but there are not completely without risk. These substances can cause mild allergic reactions in some people. In much rarer cases, when used too much, it can lead to toxicity and more serious problems.
You can numb your partner’s penis
You are going to want to make sure the numbing lube doesn’t get onto a partner’s penis, as it will also numb that, leading to less enjoyable sex. If you do use numbing lube, you will want to use a condom to prevent this.
Better Alternatives to Numbing Anal Lube
Lube is absolutely essential for anal sex, as the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication. Believe me, friction is your worst enemy when it comes to anal sex. Without proper lubrication, anal sex is for sure going to be painful. Not to mention, it can lead to micro tears and increased risks of infection. If that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will! Whichever lube you go for, remember, don’t be stingy and reapply as necessary! Here are some of the best lubes for smooth moves all the way.
Silicone Anal Lube
Silicone lubrication is one of the best options for anal sex as it tends to be more slippery and longer-lasting, meaning you won’t need to reapply it as often. It is also condom compatible.
The only downside to silicone lubricants is that they cannot be used with silicone sex toys, as they can potentially degrade the toy.
This premium silicone anal lube from JO is great quality and free of preservatives! Not to mention, it’s wonderfully slippery!
Water-Based Anal Lube
Water-based lubes that are made specifically for anal sex have a thicker consistency than regular water-based lube for better glide. They also have the advantage of being compatible with both condoms and silicone sex toys. They are easier to clean off your body and sheets but do, however, need reapplying more often than silicone lubes.
Lovehoney’s water-based anal lube is thicker and slicker! It also comes in a handy pump bottle for easy access!
Oil-based lubes provide a good amount of slip and are silicone sex toy compatible. However, they are not condom compatible — they will degrade the condom and leave you at risk of being unprotected. It is also much more difficult to clean off your sheets, and you want to make sure you wash yourself thoroughly after use.
This organic plant oil-based lubricant from Ah! Yes is super sensual and has a great amount of slip. It’s also full of skin nourishing goodies!
Get a lubricant twofer with a hybrid lube that combines water-based lube with a small amount of silicone, which helps the lube perform for longer.
Sliquid’s Silk hybrid lube is a water-based lube that also has 12% silicone so you can play for longer! It’s also free from glycerine and parabens and suitable for sensitive skin!
How to Have Pain-Free Anal Sex Without Numbing Anal Lube
So we’ve established that numbing your butt is not the best option, but don’t despair, that doesn’t mean anal sex should be painful. In fact, it should be the total opposite! While anal sex might feel uncomfortable at first, it should be pleasurable. Any sign of pain could indicate that you are not properly prepared or are going too hard or too fast. Here are my top tips for pain-free anal every time!
1. Relax your mind and body.
Your mind and body are constantly interacting and figuring out whether are safe or in danger. When you sense danger or feel fear, your sympathetic nervous system (flight or flight) gets activated and your muscles tense. Feeling calm and safe will help your anal muscles relax, making insertion easier. Here are a few ways to relax your mind and body before anal sex:
- Have a warm shower or bath. You can also use a calming essential oil, such as lavender, for extra soothing vibes!
- Practice some deep belly breaths. This will help activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) and help to relax your pelvic area.
- Only engage in anal sex with someone you feel comfortable and safe with, and make sure you can communicate clearly.
2. Lube, lube, and more lube!
As I mentioned earlier your anus doesn’t self lubricate, so using a good lube and plenty of it is vital to having pain-free anal. Any time you feel pain from friction, stop and reapply your chosen lube.
3. Don’t skip the anal foreplay.
Start with some external anal stimulation to let your body get used to anal stimulation. You can start by massaging the butt checks to relax the whole area and then move onto massaging the anus with a lubricated finger or anal vibrator. Rimming (analingus) is also a fab foreplay option for backdoor play!
4. Warm up first!
Rather than going straight in with a penis or anal dildo, it can be a good idea to start by inserting something smaller, like a finger, small anal toy or some anal beads to get comfortable with the feeling of penetration.
5. Don’t dive in at the deep end.
When you feel ready for penetration, apply plenty of lubrication to your partner’s penis or your chosen sex toy and rest it against your anus, applying only a small amount of pressure. You can then push back into it as you feel ready. Going slowly will allow your body to feel safe and give your muscles time to relax. Once the tip is in, wait for little bit before proceeding to slowly insert the rest of the penis or sex toy.
6. Stimulate your other erogenous zones.
You might find that stimulating your clitoris or penis at the same time, helps your body understand that this is pleasurable and help you relax. Bullet vibrators are perfect for adding some extra sensations!
Anal Training Kits For Pain-Free Anal Without Using Numbing Lubes
If you have tried anal sex and found it painful, it could be that you went too big, too soon! This can be the case if you try to have anal sex with a partner as your first anal experience, especially if they have a large penis. Instead, you should start with something much smaller and gradually work your way up to anal sex with larger sex toys or penises.
Anal training kits and anal stretchers are a great way to train your anus to take larger objects as they come with a selection of different sized toys. You can start with the smallest, and when you feel fully comfortable with that, you can move onto the next size up. Not only does this help you physically prepare, it also helps learn to relax and enjoy anal penetration!
B-Vibe Anal Training Kit
Lovehoney Bumper Booty Bundle
Lovehoney’s Booty Bundle contains 6 different silicone products to help you explore all things anal.
Nexus Trio Butt Plug Set
This set of high-quality, silicone butt plugs will help you go from a 1-inch diameter up to 2 inches, making it great option for preparing for anal sex with a dildo or penis.