If your dildo is too big, you probably just got it in the mail and freaked out by its size or, worse, you tried to slide it in and your dildo won’t fit.
That can be a painful, costly and disappointing lesson to learn.
So, is there anything you can do if your dildo is too big?
Yes!
Read on for tips, tricks and reasons why your big dildo won’t fit in your anus or vagina and what you can do about it.
Plus, if you use super-sized dildos or large strap-ons regularly, will they wreck your bum or vagina? We dive a little deeper to reveal these answers too!
Your Dildo Is Too Big
There are several reasons why your dildo won’t fit either inside your vagina or your bum, one of which is that the dildo is too big.
Here is when the old expression, “Your eyes were bigger than your belly” comes into only it’s your private bits.
Basically, your eyes fell in love with a beautiful sex toy and your vagina or bum just aren’t accommodating enough for one reason or another.
You Measured Wrong
One of the reasons your dildo is too big is likely because you measured wrong or misunderstood the sizes shown on the website from which you ordered. Surprisingly, this is a very common mistake that oftentimes causes sex-toy shock when opening that coveted box when it arrives. “WTF?”, “Holy cow” and “Hey big boy” are common responses.
So, for the WTF, holy cow crowd, here’s what happened….
There are thousands of online sex toy shops out there! Unfortunately, there is zero consistency in how the dimensions of sex toys are listed.
For example, some list a dildo as length and width or diameter.
Therefore, if a dildo is listed as having a 1.5” width, you may think that’s a do-able size for a beginning sex toy user.
In reality, the girth of that toy is actually 4.71” – a great comparison is a soda can, which measures 2.5” width or 7.75” girth. See what I’m getting at?
You actually want to see the circumference, girth or thickness, rather than the width.
Otherwise, you may end up in a situation where your dildo won’t fit.
Sex Toy Measurement Basics
In order to better educate my readers and save you all from sex toy size shock and buying a toy that is simply too big, here is the best way to figure out the true girth of a dildo or vibrator.
You can multiply the listed width or diameter by 3.14 to get the toys actual girth. For instance, if a dildo is listed as 5” wide, here’s how you figure the girth:
5 X 3.14 = 15.70”
Also, you can use the soda can reference above or simply check out this handy tool for figuring out circumference. That way, you will have a much better idea of how thick your next insertable really is and not end up in a situation where your dildo is too big.
And here you thought math was a waste of time while in school!
You Are Inexperienced
Another reason why your dildo won’t fit is that you are inexperienced when it comes to sex.
Please don’t get me wrong, inexperience isn’t a bad thing nor is experimenting with your sexual urges and desires. That is something I wholeheartedly encourage!
However, you don’t want to be your own Guinea pig!
Therefore, know what you are purchasing before you buy and follow the tips below so you’ll know how to use a sex toy, even when it seems that it may be too big.
And, if none of those tips help, you can tuck that bigger toy away and try again with something smaller. Like fore example a small vibrator, or a small clit vibrator (so you don’t have to insert it). If you are looking to insert a dildo take a look at this guide to the best small dildos. If you are looking for something for anal, then you should read this post on the best anal dildo.
Other Reasons Your Dildo Won’t Fit
There are several other reasons why your dildo won’t fit.
However, there’s no way to blanket-explain those reasons without dividing them into the vagina and anal categories; not because we are separating genders, but because those two, body parts act completely differently when it comes to arousal and penetration.
So, depending on which orifice is not accepting of your sex toy, read on to find out why your dildo won’t fit.
Reasons Your Dildo Won’t Fit in Your Anus
If it seems your dildo is too big for your anus, there are several possible explanations, including the fact that it’s simply too big. However, here are a few more reasons:
- Lubrication: Since the rectum and anal canal do not create natural lubricant, you must supply that slipperiness so your sex toy can slide in comfortably.
- Relaxation: Anal play can be extremely uncomfortable, especially if it’s something you are not yet used to. Therefore, you need to learn how to relax when putting anything into your bum.
- Position: Though it may feel like the dildo is too big, it may be the position you are using. Some positions allow for better access to your bum along with control of penetration.
- Arousal: Your level of arousal has a great impact on your ability to relax your rectum, no matter what gender you are. So, if you’re just randomly shoving a toy into your bum, without first being relaxed, your dildo won’t fit.
Rarer Reasons Your Dildo Is Too Big for Your Bum
There are rarer reasons that you can’t seem to use a dildo in your backside, especially if you’re a newbie to bottom play. Most often, it’s simply lube, relaxation, position or arousal. However, if you try the tips below, to no avail, it may be time to consider the following.
- Anal stenosis: A narrowing of the anal canal, just before the sphincter.
- Anal fissure: A small cut or tear in the anal canal that can be acute or chronic and usually heals on its own.
- Hemorrhoids: These are swollen veins around your rectum and inside the anal canal.
I’m not listing these things as a scare tactic. On the contrary, it’s best to know all possible reasons why your dildo won’t fit, especially if you are experiencing pain with penetration. And when it comes to anal play, pain means stop. That way you will avoid any injuries to your bottom.
Tips for when Your Dildo is Too Big for Your Anus
You got the monster sex toy you always wanted and now realize your dildo is too big for your anus. So, what do you do? You can either tuck away that large toy for another time or try these techniques first!
Learn to Relax
Relaxation is number 1 when it comes to anal penetration. After all, your bum was designed as an exit and needs to be coaxed to relax in order to accommodate something going the opposite direction. So, take a long, hot shower or bath, chill with some music and give your bum some soothing strokes so you can relax before trying any sort of penetration.
If you are partnered, have them treat you to a nice, stress-relieving massage – including your perineum. Or, have a glass of wine or a cocktail, cup of herbal tea or try yoga or meditation before attempting the backdoor deed. You can also try a relaxation product like Qulo by Toca which is mindfully crafted with full spectrum CBD oil and other natural oils that reduce pain, soothe, relax and arouse.
Use Plenty of Anal Lube
Lubricant is a necessity for any sort of anal play as the back door doesn’t create natural lube. Although any lubricant will work, lubricants made specifically for anal play are ideal. They are thicker, need fewer, if any, reapplications and they coat your bum thoroughly for smooth insertion. So, don’t be stingy with the lube, especially if your dildo is too big.
Try Different Positions
Trying different sexual positions keeps sex interesting and spicy. But did you know that certain positions assist with penetration? Yes! Some positions allow for you to more easily relax your anal sphincter while others allow for better control of depth of penetration. Therefore, finding the best and most comfortable position for you is another key to helping that big dildo fit your bum.
Train Your Bum
At some point in time, you may have to face the facts; your dildo is too big. And, if that’s the case, you may need to start smaller and train your bum to accept a sex toy that’s bigger. So, I gathered some great products to assist you in your journey to exciting, backdoor play with bigger sex toys.
- The B-Vibe Anal Training kit is a product I cannot promote enough! B-Vibe is THE best anal toy company and this set has everything you need to start small and work your way up! You can read my review of another mind-blowing B-Vibe butt toy by reading the b-Vibe rimming plug 2. Their products are made from the highest quality materials and include top-notch sex toy technology as well as educational booklets and more backdoor positivity that most toy companies combined.
- More budget friendly, The Jelly Rancher 3-piece anal training kit will get you started on the road to comfortable and fun butt play.
- The Adam and Eve Backdoor Training Kit includes 3 anal plugs that are shaped like penises. Therefore, they are a bit more suited for training to use a dildo.
- The Expansion Anal Dilator Kit is yet another set of anal plugs that start you off small and slowly allow your bum to take more length and girth. So, if your current dildo won’t fit, it won’t be long until you are able to take it all!
Reasons Your Dildo Won’t Fit in Your Vagina
The vagina acts and reacts completely differently than the anus in that it’s created specifically for penetration and it creates its own lovely lubricant. Therefore, if your dildo is too big to fit into your vagina, it may be due to the following reasons:
- Relaxation: If you’re not relaxed enough, you may feel your dildo is too big. However, once you learn to relax, you may be able to use a much bigger toy than you had originally thought.
- Arousal: The vaginal lengthens and widens upon sexual arousal. So, being aroused is an important ingredient when trying any sort of penetration.
- Lubrication: Although the vagina creates its own, natural lubricant upon arousal, sometimes you need a bit extra, especially if your dildo won’t fit.
- Size matters: Even though everything above is key to comfortable penetration, it may simply be that your dildo is too big, period. We all start out as virgins and slowly work our way up to bigger and better things.
- Positions: If you’re lying on your back, trying to use a dildo, it may be more difficult to penetrate yourself. Therefore, trying various positions may allow you to use a bigger dildo with greater comfort.
Rarer Reasons a Dildo Won’t Fit in Your Vagina
Pain with penetration isn’t normal, except for when a penis, sex toy or dildo is too big. But if you are sexually experienced and feel the dildo you are using should fit, here are some rarer reasons why you may still be having difficulties.
- Pelvic floor dysfunction: This condition can cause spasms, pain and tightness of the pelvic floor making penetration uncomfortable and difficult.
- Vaginismus: Painful penetration stemming from past sexual abuse, infection or previous painful penetration.
- Dyspareunia or painful intercourse: This condition can be caused by cysts, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or atrophy due to hormone imbalance, menopause, or perimenopause.
If you feel you may have any of these conditions, please make an appointment to see a gynecologist. He/she can help you by suggesting everything from medication to physical and psychological therapy.
Tips for when Your Dildo is Too Big for Your Vagina
So, your dildo won’t fit inside your vagina. Aside from just getting a smaller sex toy, here are all the tips you need to know when your dildo is too big and you just crave having that sex toy inside you.
Relax Your V
If your dildo is too big, the first thing you must be sure you are doing is relaxing. Tension and nervousness tighten all of your muscle up, including those inside your vagina. Therefore, do things that are soothing and relaxing. For instance, taking a long, hot bath or shower while touching yourself or using a shower massage on your outer bits. Have a cocktail or a cup or herbal tea.
That is more or less solo foreplay. But if you’re with a partner, you can have them give you a relaxing, sensual massage and slowly, erotically massage your erogenous zones so you’ll loosen up from head to toe.
Make Sure You’re Aroused
Arousal is the most important aspect of relaxing your vagina and preparing for penetration, especially if your dildo won’t fit. So, if you’re flying solo, start by reading steamy erotica or watching soft porn. You can also caress all of your erogenous zones and stimulate your clitoris before trying to penetrate yourself with your sex toy. That way, your vagina is relaxed, wet and open.
If you’re partnered, engage in a hot and heavy make-out session before trying penetration. This will allow you to relax and your vagina to naturally expand in preparation for penetration. Besides, taking your time and having fun is just as important as the end game, aka: your orgasm.
A product I absolutely love that helps with relaxation, as well as arousal and lubrication, is Toto Plant Based Intimate Oil by Toca. It is chocked full of essential oils, including healthy CBD that soothes, relieves pain and rushes blood to engorge your naughty bits with tingly bliss. You can also use this oil for a pre-play massage.
Good Lube Is Key
The vagina is a marvelous thing! It “sweats” natural lubricant whenever you’re aroused in preparation for intercourse.
However, if you are using a dildo that may be bigger than you are used to, you will need extra lubricant applied to the vaginal opening and your sex toy.
This will allow the toy to slide in easier and put less stress on the opening, minimizing discomfort and minor cuts and tears.
Therefore, the more lube you have, the better your experience will be!
Start Small
If you’re sexually inexperienced and especially if your dildo is too big, you may need to gain a little bit more experience by starting with a beginner dildo.
So, while shopping for sex toys online, use search terms such as slim, starter, or beginner.
Or, here are some products I recommend for getting you off on the right foot (pun fully intended):
- Inspire Silicone Dilator training kit offers 5-steps of vaginal training for inexperienced and trans females. The dilators are made from luxury-grade silicone, are nicely tapered for easy insertion and feature and hoop in the end to hold on to. The perfect product to start small and train your vagina to relax.
- The Beginner Ding Dong has 4” of insertable length and a girth of 3.14” for easy insertion and orgasmic play for newbies.
- The Pink Slim Jelly Dildo is soft, comfortable and just the right size for a starter dildo. It measures 5.5” insertable length and 3.14” in girth.
- The Sway is an investment toy created for all bodies and something you will use for many years to come! It’s heated to promote relaxation, made from silky-smooth, luxury silicone and is perfect for clitoral stimulation, vaginal, g-spot, anal and p-spot stimulation.
When Your Dildo Won’t Fit, Don’t Do This!
No matter if your dildo is too big for your vagina or your bottom, there are things you absolutely should not do. These things are extremely important as they can cause injury in the shirt and long term. So, if your dildo won’t fit, do not, under any circumstances do the following.
Never Force It If a Dildo Is Too Big
If a dildo is too big for your bum or your vagina, never force it inside! Forcing your body to accept something too large will not only cause pain, it can cause tears, cuts and abrasions as well as bleeding. And open injuries plus sex can lead to infections and the transmission of STIs including HIV. Therefore, if a dildo is so large that it causes any pain whatsoever, stop using it immediately and try the techniques listed.
Never Numb Your Bum or Vagina
If your dildo is too big, more than likely when you tried using it, you were in a little bit of discomfort. Just remember, pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong. So, never turn to products that are made to numb those sensitive areas! You could cause yourself serious and potentially lasting injuries.
Consent Is #1
Consent is very important when you are being sexual with another person. No matter how trusting of a relationship you have, using a sex toy of any kind, especially a large penetrative toy, without your partner’s consent is wrong. Therefore, have open, sexual conversations and know what your partner wants, needs and is open to, before springing a sex toy on them.
What Happens If I Use a Dildo That’s Too Big?
Our bodies are miraculous creations, made to do incredible things. However, when we push our bodies beyond normal limits, there can be adverse consequences. When it comes to using a dildo that’s too big, you could see immediate consequences such as vaginal or anal injuries. For example, your bum could suffer tears, cuts and abrasions that could lead to infection and STI transmission.
Further, if your dildo is too large for your vagina, you could also experience cuts, tears and abrasions that more easily allow of infection transmission as well as painful cystitis and urinary tract infections. No, using a large dildo won’t permanently stretch out your vagina, but it may lead to trouble down the road.
Although permanent injuries are rare, they still can and will happen to some people. The most common injury to using large dildos, as well as practicing such sexual activities as fisting, are rectal and pelvic organ prolapse.
Are Rectal and Vaginal Prolapse Caused by Big Dildos?
Rectal and Vaginal prolapse can be caused by large sex toys being used repeatedly, especially when combined with speed as well as doing such things as fisting. Speaking specifically to vaginal prolapse, something I have personal experience with, I found this information in Merck Manuals:
“The pelvic floor is a network of muscles, ligaments, and tissues that act like a hammock to support the organs of the pelvis: the uterus, vagina, bladder, urethra, and rectum.
If the muscles become weak or the ligaments or tissues are stretched or damaged, the pelvic organs or small intestine may drop down and protrude (prolapse) into the vagina. If the disorder is severe, the organs may protrude all the way through the opening of the vagina and outside the body.”
In regard to anal injuries from using a dildo that won’t fit or by fisting, there is some medical evidence to back up those claims. Sexual psychophysiologist and CEO of Liberos LLC Nicole Prause had this to say in a Vice article on the subject:
“‘More common anal sex practices seem very unlikely to cause serious health issues.” However, Prause went on to note that ‘research on obstetric injuries give us some idea that speed and force are the major issue in traumatic injuries.
People should probably keep in mind how much the stimulator (penis, toy, fist, etc.) is going to stretch the anus and adjust the speed down accordingly for size.
It would be especially risky to use a bigger stimulator with speed.’ In other words, the way most people have anal sex probably isn’t going to cause problems; however, the extreme anal that you might see in certain kinds of porn—like double penetration—does have the potential for harm.”
Permanent Injuries Are Rare
Although the warnings above seem filled with gloom and doom, keep in mind that these types of injuries are rarer and usually happen in older people, especially women who are post-menopausal and people with connective tissue disorders like Ehler-Danlos Syndrome.
But if you are concerned that you’ll be pooping your pants in your 60s or picking your uterus up from the floor in your 50’s, use extra-large sex toys as an occasional treat rather than a constant sexual activity. That way you will minimize stretching and injury to your vagina and rear that could show up as you age.
Is Your Dildo Too Big?
If you read this far into the article, more than likely your dildo is too big or your dildo won’t fit into the orifice you’d like it to. I do hope I’ve been able to provide you with answers, tips, and tricks to help with your predicament. And, if trying some of the above tips doesn’t help, look at the bright side! It gives you a great excuse to go shopping for a new dildo or sex toy while saving that monster dildo for later on.