
Statistical Evidence: 68 Most Common Reasons That Intimacy and Sex Stops in relationships (12 main factors)
By Bedbible Research Center / August 17, 2022
This article provides the first quantitative evidence for the reason why intimacy and sex stops in a relationships.
The study used an exploratory approach to first detirmine all the possible reasons for why couples experience difficulties with sex and intimacy.
Quick facts:
- Lack of Effort is the #1 most common reason that sex stops (strongest correlation with no sex).
- Bad Sex does not influence the level of intimacy and sex in a relationship.
- Women report that Character Issues are most likely to destroy intimacy.
Methodology:
We conducted 40 qualitative in-person interviews (with 20 women and 20 men) allowing for the respondents to come up with new reasons and keeping any of our own biases out of the questioning.
Additionally we invited 128 respondents to an open-ended survey that allowed them to list alle the possible reasons for why they beleive intimacy stopped in their relationship.
By doing this we pinpointed 68 reasons for why intimacy stops – they can all be found in the table at the bottom of this article.
12 categories (main factors):
After pinpointing 68 reasons we grouped them in 12 categories – or “main factors” that a decriptors for between 3 to 13 different individual reasons each.
- Lack of effort
- Bad sex
- Behavioral issues
- Character issues
- Fading away enthusiasm
- Children
- Social circle issues
- Lack of personal time and space
- Infidelity and abuse
- Clinginess
- Not monogamous
- Long work hours
With these 12 main factores for why a relationship looses intimacy we set out to find out what factors are the most dangerous for the intimacy in a relationship.
What reasons are most likely to cause problems?
We conducted a quantitative survey where 1.099 respondents where collected (592 women, 507 men).
All respondents where asked on a 1-5 scale how much they agreed that each of the 68 reasons was likely to cause them difficulties in keeping an intimate relationship.
The scores for all factors are aggregated and weighted under each factor.
The mean scores for each factor is listed in the Table.
The results of what reasons people beleive are most likely to cause them difficulties in keeping an intimate relationship are listed in the below table:
# | Factor | Overall (Mean) ↓ | Women (Mean) | Men (Mean) |
---|---|---|---|---|
1 | Fading away enthusiasm | 2.68 | 2.62 | 2.76 |
2 | Long work hours | 2.66 | 2.59 | 2.73 |
3 | Lack of personal time and space | 2.61 | 2.50 | 2.73 |
4 | Character issues | 2.57 | 2.64 | 2.49 |
5 | Clinginess | 2.51 | 2.52 | 2.50 |
6 | Bad sex | 2.50 | 2.46 | 2.55 |
7 | Infidelity and abuse | 2.28 | 2.28 | 2.29 |
8 | Children | 2.24 | 2.26 | 2.22 |
9 | Lack of effort | 2.22 | 2.13 | 2.31 |
10 | Social circle issues | 2.15 | 2.11 | 2.21 |
11 | Not monogamous | 2.12 | 1.94 | 2.32 |
12 | Behavioral issues | 1.76 | 1.72 | 1.81 |
How are they correlated with sex?
So, one thing is asking respondents what they beleive are the main reasons for why intimacy stops.
Another approach entirely is asking them about the factors and correlating them with scores on how much sex they actually have.
Doing this we only found significant correlations between 8 of the factors and the frequency of sex in the respondents relationship:
- Fading away enthusiasm
- Lack of personal time and space
- Character issues
- Infidelity and abuse
- Children
- Lack of effort
- Not monogamous
- Behavioral issues
Surprisingly a factor such as ‘Bad sex’ did not correlate significantly with loss of intimacy in a relationship!
The same goes for:
- Long work hours
- Clinginess
- Social circle issues
The largest effect size, and therefore biggest factor in why intimacy stops is “Lack of effort”.
12 Factors and The 68 Reasons
# | Factor and Reason |
---|---|
Lack of effort | |
1 | I do not take into consideration my partner’s needs |
2 | I find it difficult to understand my partner’s needs |
3 | I find it difficult to tolerate my partner’s idiosyncrasies |
4 | I do not make enough effort for the relationship work |
5 | I neglect my partner |
6 | My interest for my partner soon fades away |
7 | I become distant from my partner |
8 | My sexual interest for my partner soon fades away |
9 | Frequently, I do not behave well to my partner |
10 | I take my partner for granted |
11 | I am not honest with my partner |
12 | I do not easily compromise |
13 | I find it difficult to communicate with my partner |
Bad sex | |
14 | Bad sex |
15 | Disagreements with my partner about how often we have sex |
16 | Sexual incompatibility with my partner |
17 | Frequent fights with my partner |
18 | Different goals with my partner |
Behavioral issues | |
19 | I have psychological problems |
20 | I often become violent to my partner |
21 | I have addictions—gambling, alcohol etc |
22 | My parents/relatives intervene in my relationship |
Character issues | |
23 | I am quirky |
24 | I am selfish |
25 | I am always complaining to my partner |
26 | My insecurities |
27 | I often break out on my partner |
28 | My character |
Fading away enthusiasm | |
29 | I find the relationship’s routine tiring |
30 | My enthusiasm soon fades away |
31 | I am not a routine person |
32 | I get bored quickly |
33 | I am not patient |
34 | My feelings of romantic love soon fades away |
35 | My passion soon fades away |
Children | |
36 | My children are absorbing much of my energy, and not much is left for my relationship |
37 | My partner allocates most of his/her time to our children and very little to me |
38 | Frequent disagreements with my partner about how to raise our children |
Social circle issues | |
39 | My partner does not have good relationships with my parents and relatives |
40 | I do not have good relationships with my partner’s parents and relatives |
41 | My partner does not have good relationships with my friends |
42 | I do not have good relationships with my partner’s parents and relatives |
43 | I have different interests from my partner |
Lack of personal time and space | |
44 | I feel that my partner is oppressing me |
45 | I want to have more personal time and space |
46 | I feel that a relationship constrains me |
47 | My partner always nagging |
48 | My partner constrains me |
49 | I am tired of constantly reporting on where I am and what I do |
Infidelity and abuse | |
50 | My partner’s infidelities |
51 | My partner is physically violent |
52 | My partner lacks sexual interest for me |
Clinginess | |
53 | I become easily dependent on my partner |
54 | I am too clingy |
55 | I tend to adapt to my partner’s needs without considering my own |
56 | I try to exercise constant control on my partner |
57 | I am jealous of my partner |
58 | I expect too much from my partner |
Not monogamous | |
59 | I feel that I miss opportunities to get different experiences when I am in a relationship |
60 | It is difficult for me to be monogamous |
61 | I keep making comparisons with my previous relationships |
62 | I cannot resist temptations |
63 | I get bored having sex with the same person |
64 | I find it tiring to be with the same person all the time |
65 | I easily break up if I do not like something |
Long work hours | |
66 | I spend many hours working |
67 | I do not have much time available for my partner |
68 | I often put my career on top of the relationship |