Dr. Selflove or: How I Learned How to Cum with a Dildo

“Isn’t getting an orgasm with a dildo pretty self-explanatory?” I hear you ask. Well, let me tell you, for many people it’s not quite so straightforward as it first appears.

There’s nothing weird or bad about not being able to climax from simply inserting a dildo into an orifice and thrusting, though if you can, go you! Some of us, however, may need to get a bit more creative and apply a few technique adjustments to get to the Big O.

So, here are my tips on how to cum with a dildo, complete with dildo techniques, the different types of dildo to try, the areas to try and stimulate, positions to test out, and ways to get your head in the game.

This is intended to be a fairly gender-neutral guide, so I’ll stick to giving you tips and techniques for vaginal and anal use and let you decide which ones you’d like to give a go. Go forth and learn how to cum with a dildo!

 

How to cum with a dildo – 1

 

Dildo Techniques

A big part of learning how to cum with a dildo and making dildos work for you is to figure out how to maneuver it so it feels really good.

This isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach – different people have differently shaped bodies with different sensitivities, so don’t worry if a technique that makes a friend rave just isn’t working for you, just keep experimenting!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

In ‘n’ Out

Thrusting in and out of the vagina or anus is a pretty standard way to use a dildo, and can make some people very happy! Try using a dildo with a textured shaft that stimulates all of your super-sensitive nerve endings as it moves against the opening.

As a variation on this technique, you can try doing more of a rocking motion. Point the dildo towards the back wall of your vagina as you insert it and use a kind of scooping motion as it gets further in. This works particularly well with more flexible or curved dildos.

Short and Shallow

Focus on the opening and first part of your vagina or anus by using shorter strokes in and out. Not everyone likes a dildo pressing up against their cervix or going too deep up the butt, and sticking to shallow thrusts can allow you to stimulate your sensitive areas without getting overwhelmed.

Go Deep

On the other hand, if you crave those deeper sensations and super deep orgasms, you can, of course, opt to go for long, deep thrusts.

Using a dildo with a pronounced tip will allow you to really savor the sensations along the length of your vagina or anus, though you should try to avoid dildos that are too soft or flexible so they don’t bend too much as you thrust.

Do the Twist

Make the most of your dildo’s textures by rotating your dildo around inside of you. You can tease yourself by turning the tip around near the opening of your vagina or dildo, or maximize sensations by thrusting and twisting at the same time.

Using a dildo with too much of a curve or a sharp angle might not be so suited for this, so stick with a straighter toy.

Move Your Body

Give your arms a rest and let your body do the talking!

There are a few ways to do this: either hold the dildo in your hand and start to gyrate or sway with your hips to allow it to touch different parts of your vagina or anus, or invest in a suction cup dildo that can stick to a surface and allow you to ride hands-free.

The Standstill

Sometimes what can turn us on is not the motion of a dildo but the just the feeling of it inside us. Slow things down a little by keeping your dildo still and just savoring the feeling of it filling you up – you could even use your hands to stimulate your clit, penis, nipples or more at the same time.

This works particularly well with dildos that are a bit larger, as long as they’re still comfy to have inside you.

 

How to cum with a dildo – 2

 

The Different Types of Dildo

Before we dive into the myriad of toys that could help you learn how to cum with a dildo, there are ~3 golden dildo rules~ you need to know:

1. ALWAYS USE LUBE!

There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain from putting a good slather of lube on your dildo and yourself before getting down to business. It makes the insertion process easier and much more pleasant, and will feel 1000% better, trust me. Just be sure to use the right type of lube – if your dildo is silicone, be sure to use only water-based lubes.

2. DON’T GO TOO BIG

It’s mistake that many dildo rookies make – buying a big dildo may seem appealing in your head, but most often it ends up feeling unenjoyable, uncomfortable or even painful. While it might seem like a good idea to stretch your limits and indulge your fantasies, in reality it will probably be much more pleasurable to go for a smaller dildo.

3. DON’T STOP AT WHAT THE BOX TELLS YOU

With some important exceptions, you are very often not limited to the directions on the box of a dildo. Just because it says g-spot dildo on the front, doesn’t mean its bulbous tip wouldn’t make for an amazing prostate massage. Or just because they’re called anal beads, that doesn’t mean that their texture wouldn’t feel great in your vagina.

Just make sure to always stick to the anal toys commandments: if it doesn’t have a flared-out base or some kind of larger end, don’t put it up your butt because it may go too far in, get stuck and cause some damage to a very sensitive area. Also, don’t mix orifices without cleaning the dildo first, because UTIs aren’t fun.

 

Realistic Dildos

Lifelike Lover Classic Posable Realistic Dildo 6 Inch no bg

Like this one: Lifelike Lover Classic Realistic Dildo 6 Inch

If the idea of having a real penis thrusting inside of you gets you going, perhaps the next best thing is one of the many hyper-realistic dildos out there.

They can be great for dildo novices who aren’t comfortable straying too far from IRL sex, and provide lots of realistic penetration sensations thanks to their realistically-textured heads and veiny shafts. Some even have balls that only add to the effect.

 

Smooth Dildos

Like this one: Doc Johnson The Slim Silicone Dildo

On the other side of things are smooth dildos that aren’t too reminiscent of the real thing. They’re usually slimmer, making them good for beginners – especially anal beginners! They can also allow some more precise stimulation if you maneuver them right.

 

Bulbous Dildos

Lovehoney-Satisfy-Me-G-Spot-Silicone-Dildo

Like this one: Lovehoney Satisfy Me G-Spot Silicone Dildo

Often branded as g-spot or p-spot dildos, these types of dildo have large prominent heads that can be round or flattened. As well as giving you a greater sense of fullness, they also make it easier to find and massage specific areas of the vagina or anal cavity.

 

Curved Dildos

njoy pure wand

Like this one: njoy Pure Wand Stainless Steel Dildo

Curved dildos are designed to get those hard-to-reach areas that straight dildos just can’t manage. Think the g-spot, that’s around the front wall of the vagina, or the prostate, which needs a bit of body twisting if you’re gonna reach it by yourself. Their curved shafts also give you extra sensations as they move in and out of you.

 

Textured Dildos

Pleasure Intensified Silicone Anal Beads

Like this one: Fifty Shades of Grey Pleasure Intensified Silicone Anal Beads

The openings of the vagina and anus are chock-full of highly sensitive nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated. All you need is a dildo with a lot of texture on the shaft, and they’re everywhere.

Choose from realistic veiny dildos, non-representational twisty dildos, or even anal beads like these ones. However, your internal parts are only sensitive to pressure, not touch, so textured dildos work best for thrusting or rocking techniques.

 

Suction Cup Dildos

Colours Pleasures Yum Yum 7" Silicone Dildo

Like this one: Colours Pleasures Yum Yum 7″ Silicone Dildo

Hands-free dildo riding? Yes please! Suction cup dildos allow you to attach them to any smooth surface, be that your floor, your wall or even your shower, and ride away to your heart’s content. That means that your hands are free for stimulating your other erogenous zones, like your clit or nipples.

 

Fantasy Dildos

How to cum with a dildo – 1

Like this one: Self Delve Eggplant Silicone Dildo

A big part of sex and intimacy is in the mind, and sometimes your mind can go to some weird places. No judgement here – indulge your slightly stranger fantasies with all kinds of fun-shaped dildos, like this eggplant one!

There are so, so many different dildo shapes out there, from tentacles to magic fairy wands, that can take your role plays to the next level.

 

Thick Dildos

Doc Johnson Black Thunder no bg

Like this one: Doc Johnson Black Thunder 

Take things to the extreme with a really thick dildo. The feelings of stretching and fullness that thick dildos provide can be super satisfying for some, though there’s lots of variation in their size.

I wouldn’t recommend these to dildo beginners, but some more experienced users might find that they’re the right next step.

 

Inflatable Dildos

Lovingjoy Silicone Inflatable Dildo

Like this one: Lovingjoy Silicone Inflatable Dildo

For the most extreme stretching and fullness sensations, you can turn to an inflatable dildo. They might seem intimidating, and they’re not for the uninitiated, but their advantage is that their adjustable to your comfort level and often easier to insert than really thick dildos.

Just try to avoid the cheaper ones, as they’re often made of low quality, quick-to-degrade and potentially dangerous materials like latex.

 

Double Dildos

Colours DP Pleasures Silicone Double Dildo

Like this one: Colours DP Pleasures Silicone Double Dildo

Double penetration is another one of those sexual fantasies that quite a lot of us think about but don’t know how to get into, but one option is to start using a flexible or molded double dildo like this one. One end goes in the vagina and one in the anus – it’s that simple!

You can also get straighter ones that can be shared with a partner, if that’s what floats your boat.

 

Vibrating Dildos

I won’t go into too much detail about vibrating dildos, because where do you even draw the line between a ‘vibrating dildo’ and a full-on ‘vibrator’? I couldn’t tell you.

Just know that a vibrating dildo is exactly what it says on the tin: a dildo that vibrates, and can add an extra dimension of pleasure to your dildo play. If you’re looking how to cum with a dildo, vibrations may well be your answer.

 

How to cum with a dildo – find your spots

 

Know Your Spots

G-Spot

G-spot location

 

There’s plenty of controversy surrounding the existence and nature of the g-spot that I truly don’t have the space or will to get into. The bottom line for me is that there’s an area in the vagina commonly known as the g-spot that can feel pretty good when stimulated.

It’s part of the clitoral structure, which, as you probably know, is super sensitive and capable of giving some great orgasms.

My wonderful colleague Isabelle has already made an incredible in-depth guide on the g-spot and how to please it, but here’s a quick and dirty rundown on how to find it:

  1. Place a finger a couple of inches into your (aroused) vagina
  2. Curl your finger in toward the front wall of your vagina, toward your belly button
  3. Stroke and wipe around the area until you feel a different sensation – some people also feel a patch with a spongy texture

P-Spot

P-Spot location

 

A.k.a. the prostate – this is a walnut-sized gland under the bladder and surrounding the top of the urethra in penis-owners.

Many find that applying pressure to the prostate can create incredible sensations and even lead to very deep orgasms, usually without ejaculating.

It’s about an inch up from the top wall of the anus, and can be stimulated with direct pressure from anal penetration or from indirect pressure by massaging the perineum or anus.

A-Spot

A-spot location

 

The ‘a’ in a-spot doesn’t stand for anal, but for ‘anterior fornix’. That’s a science-y way of saying the innermost area of the vagina, next to the cervix, that is also part of the clitoral structure.

You can stimulate your a-spot with deep penetration, and it often results in very intense orgasms. If you haven’t managed to orgasm from g-spot stimulation, a-spot stimulation may be the key to how to cum with a dildo (or a penis!).

You can sometimes use the same g-spot technique to find your a-spot, just a few inches deeper. It doesn’t have the same difference in texture as the g-spot, but you can usually feel when you hit it.

If your fingers aren’t up to the job, use a dildo – it can be around 6 inches into the vagina for some people.

Anal penetration can also indirectly stimulate the a-spot, so if you’re curious, there’s another reason to give it a try!

 

How to Cum with a Dildo – positions

 

Perfect Positions for Dildos

Now that you know some ways to use a dildo, which dildos to use, and which areas to focus on, here are some positions to try it all out in!

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but a small inspiration list to get you started and give you some ideas you may not have considered before.

On Your Back

doll using a dildo while lying on their back

 

This may be your go-to position when you use a dildo, but its success can depend on how long your arms are and how short your torso is, which affects how easily you can reach down and do the deed.

For a bit of extra help, you use a pillow behind your head and neck to raise up your upper body, or use one under your hips to prop up your lower body. You can also try tucking your knees in towards your chest to reduce the amount you have to reach.

Squatting

doll using a suction cup dildo while squatting

 

Popping a squat makes it easy to control how deep your dildo goes both by moving the dildo and by moving yourself. This position makes it easy to go deeper and achieve that a-spot stimulation.

You can hold your dildo with your hand and insert it, or stick a suction-cup dildo beneath you and ride it!

If you’re worried about some thigh-burn (and you wouldn’t be alone), try doing this on your knees instead of squatting on your feet.

Sitting

suction cup dildo reverse dining chair

 

If you want a little more support or stability, a chair can be a perfect companion for your journey of learning how to cum with a dildo.

You can use a suction-cup dildo to ride hands-free, using the back of the chair for support and controlling the speed and depth of the penetration, or sit forwards in a comfy chair and use a hand-held dildo in comfort.

All Fours

suction cup dildo kitchen table

 

And finally, you could try out using a dildo on all fours, or in doggy-style. This one might not be possible if you want to hold the dildo yourself, but works great if you have a suction-cup dildo and a vertical surface like a table leg, door frame or tiled wall.

You could also bring in a partner and try out some strap-on or pegging play!

 

How to cum with a dildo – relax

 

Stop Worrying and Love the Dildo

Relax

This goes for all erotic activities, but things just don’t work so well when you’re not relaxed. Inserting anything into your vagina or anus when you’re tense is a recipe for an uncomfortable and unsatisfying experience, so try to breathe and relax your muscles.

If you’re stressed, either about finding out how to cum with a dildo or something completely unrelated, then don’t force it! You can always try again later when you’re more in the mood.

Set the Mood

Speaking of getting in the mood, a big portion of getting aroused is setting up your surroundings to feel sexy.

It might seem cliché, but lighting a candle or playing some sensual music can really make the difference between boring bedroom and an orgasm haven. You can also get everything ready that you’ll need, so there’ll be no awkward reaching for the lube or having to get up to find your bullet vibe.

Savor the Sensations

It’s about the journey, not the destination, right? Using a dildo isn’t all about making yourself orgasm – just learning what makes you feel good and taking some time to indulge yourself is a gift in itself!

Try to enjoy the entire experience and the sensations you create for what they are. You never know, taking the focus off climaxing may just help you get there easier.

 

How to cum with a dildo – 5

 

So there you go – a guide on how to cum with a dildo, or at least, how to enjoy using a dildo more!

If you’re totally new to dildos, why not Isabelle’s guide on how to use a dildo for the first time? Our sex expert Edwina has also written a fantastic dildo-use guide specifically for people with penises, if that’s your deal. Go forth and climax!

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