If you are butt curious but not sure where to start, we’ve got you! Having anal sex with a penis or strap-on can be a great way to explore new paths to pleasure and intimacy, but it can also be intimidating.
But it doesn’t have to be! A bit of know how and preparation goes a long way when it comes to making anal sex enjoyable. And we’ve got everything you need to know about how to do anal right here!
Not sure if it’s for you? Read more about the pros and cons of anal sex before making your mind up!
What you can learn in the post:
- How to Do Anal for Beginners — A Step by Step Guide
- Top Tips for First Time Anal
- Anal sex essentials
- Anal Sex Safety
- How to deal with poop fear
How to Do Anal for Beginners — A Step by Step Guide
Before we get down to the actual steps of how to have anal sex, it’s important to take a moment to consider if you are ready to have anal sex by asking yourself these questions:
- I am enthusiastic about trying anal sex?
- Can I trust this person to respect me and my boundaries?
- Am I in the right mental and physical state to try anal sex?
If you answered yes to these questions, then you may proceed on your anal adventure!
1. Establish trust and clear communication
For anal sex to be safe and enjoyable you need to feel comfortable communicating with your partner and trust that will respect your boundaries and take things slowly.
- Establish clear boundaries and agree on a safeword that stops the sex immediately.
- Discuss any fears you might have so your partner knows how best to support you.
- You can also talk about what excites you about having anal sex.
2. Prepare yourself and your space
Clear your space, and consider putting a towel or sex blanket over your bed for peace of mind.
Grab all of your anal sex essentials — condoms, anal lubrication, and any small anal toys you want to use.
Make sure to go to the toilet before anal sex and try to empty your bowels.
Take a warm shower or bath and use some mild soap to clean around your anus. There’s no need to douche as over douching can be harmful.
For more details check out this anal cleaning guide.
3. Enjoy some anal foreplay
Spend lots of time on sensual kissing and touching, to get in the mood.
Massaging the butt cheeks is a great way to move towards anal stimulation slowly. It also increases blood flow to the area and helps the muscles to relax.
Next you can move on to stimulating the anus. Add a slick of lube to your finger or a beginner-friendly anal sex toy and slowly trace circles around the outside of the anus. Then slowly stroke over the anus.
If you enjoy rimming (analingus), this is a great time for it!
4. Use a finger or small anal toy
When you are ready to start penetrative play, start with a well lubed up finger, small anal beads, or a small butt plug.
Take some deep breaths with long exhales to relax, rest the tip against your anus and apply a small amount of pressure to let the tip slip inside. Insert more as you feel comfortable.
When you are ready, you can explore moving the finger or toy slowly in and out.
Stimulate other erogenous zones at the same time to increase arousal and enhance pleasure.
5. Penetration with a penis or strap-on dildo
If you are ready to try anal sex with a penis or strap-on dildo, you will want to apply a liberal amount of lubrication to the penis or strap-on and to your anus.
Take some slow breaths to relax and let your partner slowly penetrate your anus with just the tip. Give yourself time to adjust before going any further.
When you are ready, have your partner slowly insert more, making sure to tell them if you want them to stop or go slower.
6. Explore movement
You might find it more comfortable to slowly grind against your partner rather than having them thrust in an out in the beginning.
As you get more comfortable, you can try having your partner move slowly in and out.
7. Don ’t worry if you don’t orgasm from anal sex
You might find that even though anal sex feels good, you don’t orgasm from it. That is completely normal and totally ok.
You can enjoy any other type of stimulation you both enjoy and finish off that way! Just remember to switch condoms before any other type of penetrative play.
8. Enjoy some aftercare
Trying anal sex, especially for the first time can be a vulnerable experience, so aftercare is especially important.
Here are some aftercare ideas:
- Take a warm shower
- Cuddle up and get cosy under a blanket
- Have something to eat or drink
- Talk about your experience
Anal Sex Essentials
Hybrid lubes, like Sliquid’s Silk, use a water base with some silicone mixed in. This gives it more slip while still being safe to use with silicone sex toys.
These Lube Tubes from Lovehoney help keep you lubed up for longer by making sure you are lubed up on the inside as well! Simply fill with your lube of choice!
Top Tips for Pain Free First Time Anal
- Try anal play out by yourself before trying it with a partner. This takes a lot of pressure off and allows you to get used to the new sensation and figure out what you do and don’t like.
- Take everything extra slowly and stop any time you feel uncomfortable. If you move too quickly or feel nervous, your anal muscles can contract, making penetration more difficult or painful. Listening to your body also helps you to feel safe and relax.
- Be extra generous with the lube! You anus doesn’t produce it’s own lubrication so this is extra important. If you aren’t using silicone sex toys, silicone lube is a great option as it is longer lasting than water-based lubrication. If you plan on using silicone sex toys, opt for a hybrid lube (water-based with silicone) or thick water-based lube.
- Reapply lubrication and consider using a lube applicator to lubricate inside your anus.
- Spooning is a great position for first time anal as it doesn’t involve any vigorous thrusting, it’s easy to relax in, and you can use your hands to stimulate other areas of your body. Fancy something more advanced, check out these other amazing anal sex positions!
Anal Sex Safety
- Use protection. Anal sex carries a higher risk of spreading STIs so it’s a good idea to wear a condom. Even if you are having sex with a fluid bonded partner, it can still be a good idea to wear a condom, especially if you also plan on having vaginal sex (see next point).
- Never move from anal play to vaginal play without changing the condom or washing your hands. This can spread bacteria that can cause infections, such as UTIs. If you put it in the B hole, then the V hole, you’ll get a bad P hole.
- Trim your nails before anal play. You really don’t want sharp nails anywhere near your anus. Enough said.
- Anal sex can feel unusual or a bit uncomfortable at first, but it shouldn’t be painful. If you feel any pain or notice any bleeding, stop and assess the situation.
- Never use anal numbing lube as it blocks out the cues from your body that are there to keep you safe.
- There can sometime be a small amount of bleeding when you wipe after having anal sex. This is usually from micro tears that tend to heal by themselves, but if you notice a lot of blood or it doesn’t stop, you should speak to a medical professional.
How to Deal With Poop Fear
We couldn’t do a post about first time anal and not talk about poop anxiety. It’s only natural to be a little concerned about the poop factor when trying anal sex, especially for the first time.
But let me assure you, while there is of course some risk, it is very small! And even if it does happen, it’s really nothing to be ashamed of!
- Feces is stored higher up in the colon, so if you have emptied your bowels and don’t feel the need to go. It is unlikely that you will encounter any poop.
- There might be some very small particles left in lower part of your colon, but this should be minimal, especially if you have healthy, well-formed bowel movements. Ghost poops are the holy grail!
- If you do experience poop during anal play, it’s not the end of the world. Anyone you let in to your anus should be mature enough to know that there’s where poop comes from.
- Keep some wipes on hand to clean up just in case.
- Avoid anal sex if you are experiencing any stomach issues. Things like alcohol or certain foods can also cause loose bowel movements.
- Eat plenty of fiber and stay hydrated for optimal pooping!