How To Use BDSM Toys – An Ultimate Guide Into The World of BDSM Toys
By Cassie Mørch / November 10, 2022
Are you curious to start playing around with fun new experiences and intoxicating new sensations in the world of BDSM? But are you not quite sure how to approach the sometimes overwhelming selection of tools, toys, and gadgets? Fear not! In this post, I will provide you with the ultimate guide for this journey, telling you how to actually use BDSM toys!
- Beginner’s Tips!
- How to Use BDSM Toys While Easing Into It
- How to Use Bondage & Restraint Toys
- How to Use Toys for Sensation Play
- How to Use Impact Toys
- Safety & Consent: How to Use BDSM toys Properly
Beginner’s Tips!
Since you’re here, you’re probably already aware of what BDSM is and why some people really enjoy engaging in it. If you want to know a bit more, read our blog about basic BDSM for beginners.
In this blog post, however, we will be focusing on BDSM toys and how to use them.
BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.
The term more commonly refers to any type of sexual act that might be considered especially “kinky”, “rough”, or “hardcore”. BDSM activities often involve some type of sexual power play, expanding the possibilities you have to either dominate or submit to (or both!) to a special someone.
BDSM toys are any kind of tool, accessory, equipment, or toy used to play around with BDSM activities and hopefully enhance the experience! Here’s our pick of the best BDSM toys to get started on your kinky journey!
Don’t Be Intimidated…
Some people may initially be cautious when learning about these toys. Although, I assure you, BDSM play can also be super gentle, slow, and soft.
Actually, it can be whatever you want it to be. You’re the boss. Start slow, play around, do what makes you feel good, and be willing to explore what that means to you while learning about these toys and how to use them.
Before you begin using one of these toys, I would recommend getting to know it outside of the bedroom first. Touch it, examine it, test it, and explore its features – the texture, the weight, the sensation. This way, you will be much more familiar with the product before you introduce it to a sexually charged situation where one might be a bit distracted from examining a toy’s safety features…
The Best Place to Start Slow: Blindfolds
Sexual blindfolds are essential in the world of bondage and BDSM toys. For both experienced and beginner levels, a blindfold is a delicious way to introduce new sensations to your sex life.
Simply cover your lover’s eyes with a blindfold (consensually, of course!) and enjoy having more control over their sexual experience.
Depriving them of their sight during arousing activities may very well enhance all other senses and make the slightest touch send bolts of electricity through their body.
You can use things around the house, like a tie or a silk scarf. Blindfolds like this Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold is also gives you comfortable padding!
How to Use Bondage & Restraint Toys
There are almost endless gadgets and accessories designed to help sexually restrain someone in the most delicious ways. So, let me put these in different categories – sexual restraints for your hands and feet, for your head and face, and for your full body.
Tying up Your Hands and Feet!
With your hands restrained, you’re completely reliant on your partner – and your pleasure is now in their hands! When your feet are tied up, you’re also largely dependent on them to move around or reposition yourself. Although these gadgets easily can be used to restrain your whole body, they’re also great to start out with!
Bondage Rope
Bondage rope, like this Doc Johnson Japanese-Style Rope, is available in many different colors and lengths. This soft rope is strong but flexible – perfect for keeping something comfortably in place. Use it to secure your partner’s hands behind their back or in front of them, or to tie their hands and feet to the corners of the bed. Use the rope to control their mobility while you have your way with them (again, consensually!).
As simple as rope play can be, there are also many ways to explore rope tying as a full body restraint or as beautiful decorative body harnesses.
Bondage Cuffs
Bondage cuffs come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes!
Some designs or more suitable for complete beginners while some are made from more heavy duty materials and are much more restrictive.
These silicone Quickie Cuffs are strong, comfortable, and practical. They’re lightweight and perfect for absolute cuff beginners! Just slip your hands through the flexible material and enjoy the soft restraint.
Sturdier hand cuffs for sex are not exclusively for more experienced kinksters! Often made of more hefty material, they are simply often for more heavy duty bondage. They’re easy to use and comfortably padded.
Simply fasten the cuff to the wrists or ankles (or maybe both). Attach them to each other or to other sturdy (and suitable) objects available to you. I’ll tell you more about how to use cuffs for full-body restraints later on.
Bondage Tape
Bondage tape is also a great option for beginner bondage or for creating decorative body designs.
This bondage tape from Lovehoney does not stick to the skin but only to itself!
Use the tape in similar ways as the cuffs and the rope. Be sure not to fasten it too tightly around any body parts!
Restricting Your Face and Head…
Sexual Collars
Sexual collars are a great way to have a more intense experience with control! Bondage collars can be used with a leash to carefully move someone around by the neck. They can be fastened to cuffs or other gadgets by chains or ropes. And they’re not bad to look at either…
Secure the collar around you or your partner’s neck and enjoy the added restraint! Make sure it’s not too tight!
There are many types of BDSM collars out there. They are often used to signify a Dom/sub relationship between two people.
Ball Gags
BDSM gags are also a more intense restraint toy. The harness is placed on your face and secured so it’s comfortable. The ball, ring, or other accessory in the middle of the gag is simultaneously placed inside your mouth (behind your teeth) restricting your ability to use your mouth.
Ball gags can be used for ultimate BDSM power play. Muffle your subs moans with this device or experiment with delicious drool play if that’s your thing! Read more about how to use a ball gag here!
There are many different types of ball gags out there, but this beginner ball gag training kit from Lovehoney is great for easing into it. This breathable ball gag is more comfortable, and the different sizes allow you to work your way up!
How to Use Full-body Restraints
Sex Bed Straps
Combine your cuffs with a full-body restraint systems like this Under the Bed Restraint System.
Fasten the adjustable straps under your mattress and use the velcro mechanism to restrain your partner to the corners of the bed by their wrists and ankles.
Once you’ve tied up your partner, you’re free to touch, tease, and tickle them however you please (again, always consensually!). Add a blindfold to heighten their sensitivity, tease them with tickler, and start pampering (or torturing) them with pleasure. Play around with the power of controlling their sensations and stimulation!
Hogtie Restraints
A simple hogtie restraint is also an easy way to create a full-body experience with your cuffs.
Although there are not many variations of how to use a hogtie, sometimes simple is good!
Get down on your stomach with your cuffs on. Attach your wrist cuffs behind your back to the top two loops of the hogtie. Bend your legs to attach your ankle cuffs to the two bottom loops of the hogtie.
Enjoy feeling restrained by your own body or playing with your partner while spread out in this position.
BDSM Spreader Bars
Attach the ankle cuffs to the ends of your spreader bar. As they are often adjustable, you can spread your partner’s legs apart as wide as you want and keep them there. You can also attach the wrist cuffs to the middle of the bar, making your partner bend at the hip and expose themselves.
You can use the spreader bar in several different positions where you want to keep your sub’s legs spread apart and/or their hands attached close to their feet.
Use it to hold all of their limbs in place while you go down on your partner, use it for a hogtied effect by restraining the wrists when using them in a doggy style position. Changing positions with a spreader bar is also significantly easier than with sex bed straps!
If you would like to keep exploring toys like this, we’ve gathered our suggestions for the best sexual restraint toys out there!
How to Use BDSM Toys for Sensation Play
This category of BDSM toys appeals to your sense of touch and encourage you to explore which sensations improve your sexual experience. Toys for sensation play tease you, tickle you, and surprise you!
Nipple Clamps
Nipple clamps are a great way to explore the sensation of pressure or pinching on your nipples. Nipple clamps can have very different designs but they essentially all have the same purpose: putting pressure on your nipples!
Loosen the clamp and place it on the nipple, once placed correctly, tighten the clamp to your liking. Start slow. You can always tighten it more. They can also be lightly tugged at or attached to your cuffs, ball gag, or body harness. When removed, blood will rush back to your nipples and increase sensitivity! Read more about how to use nipple clamps here!
Bondage Ticklers
Bondage ticklers are pretty much what they say they are: ticklers!
Drag one of these bad boys lightly across your partner’s skin anywhere on their body (perhaps while they are blindfolded or tied up).
Explore their erogenous areas with the tickler, tease them with the sensation, or edge them with the pleasure!
They come in various different shapes, sizes, and materials.
This heavier metal tickler flogger can be used in the same way. The sensations will feel more intense with its weight, texture, and cool material.
Read more about how to use whips and floggers here!
Wartenberg Wheel
The Wartenberg Wheel is also a classic tool for sensation play. Although it might look a bit scary, the feeling of it can be absolutely titillating!
Lightly roll the wheel over your partner’s skin. Try it out on different areas of the body. Experiment with the pressure but be careful not to be too rough with this tool!
E-Stim Toys
Toys designed for erotic electrostimulation (E-stim) are also great for sensation play. This Neon Wand Intensity Kit has a powerful electric wand that plugs in with a long cord. The two attachments are made of smooth conductive silicone, allowing you to combine impact play with sensation play.
Plug in the wand, choose an attachment, and let you or your partner feel the small enjoyable shocks on your skin. Again, explore which areas on the body you prefer this sensation on.
Looking for internal e-stim? Here are our top picks of electric dildos and electric butt plugs!
Wax Play
Wax play is also a sensation play staple! For beginners, I would use a soy wax candle that burns at a lower temperature than regular wax candles. The heat will then not be as intense or intimidating.
Light the candle a little while before you plan on using it, so it has time to melt through some of the wax. Prepare your set-up. Perhaps you want to put a towel under your “work space”.
When you and your partner are ready, you can begin dripping the hot wax on your partner’s skin a few drops at a time. Be sure to check in with your partner and make sure the temperature is tolerable.
How to Use Impact Toys
When it comes to impact BDSM toys we often distinguish between toys that have a stingy or thuddy impact. This is important to know when you set out to use one for the first time.
So many different kinds of impact toys designed to have an endless combination of impacts on the skin. Here are the classics!
Floggers
Floggers are known for their soft “falls” (or tails). The sizes, length, and materials of which can determine how thuddy or stingy the flogger feels. Read more about what floggers are here!
Start slow and tease your partner by dragging it across their skin. With a flick of the wrist, lighty stroke your partner with the flogger. Try it out on some meaty areas first – like the butt. Remember to check in with each other as you go!
Whips & Crops
BDSM whips or crops are used similarly to floggers. Although they will often have a stingy sensation upon impact.
Again, try teasing your partner by tracing the whip along their skin and get familiar with the texture, weight, and grip of the whip. Start with slow and light strokes and work your way up in intensity if you’re both comfortable!
Spanking Paddle
After knowing how to use a flogger and a whip, it’s not so difficult to imagine how to use a spanking paddle. The only difference is in structure and material. Instead of stroking someone with loose “falls” on a handle, the paddle is firm, flat, and wide. The perfect tool for great spanking sessions!
This Sportsheets Slut Slapper Paddle is also great for exploring humilitation play. Leave a mark on your sub with this little “SLUT” imprint!
These impact toys are for any level of intensity. You and your partner control the pressure and power used for every stroke. If intense impact play sounds like something for you, check out our selection of the best impact toys for intense impact play!
Safety & Consent: How to Use BDSM Toys Properly
Last but definitely not least is the emphasis on embarking on your BDSM journey safely! There’s much more to it than just using the toys properly. In fact, how to use the toys properly has a lot to do with creating a safe setting!
Feeling safe and comfortable is key!
Creating a safe setting means:
- Trusting your sexual partner. If you don’t trust them to respect your desires or boundaries, you probably don’t want to be engaging in BDSM activities with them.
- Open communication! Talk about your desires and fantasies with your partner beforehand. Talk about the logistics of making them come true. Talk about your boundaries as well.
- Agree on a safe word before you start! If any of you ever reach a limit during any BDSM play and need to stop immediately, make sure you have a safe word that you’ve both agreed on. If you can’t come up with anything, we’ve got some ideas for safe words right here!
- Ensuring on-going consent! Check in with each other multiple times. If you’re beginners, then start with low intensity and work your way up. Give each other time to react to the sensations and discover your pleasures and boundaries!
Practical Safety: Just in Case!
Safe settings are not only about communication and consent but also about practical safety! Using BDSM toys means working with tools and materials specifically designed to restrain your physical body.
If anything happens and you want to remove things in a hurry, I would recommend having a little BDSM safety kit. Have it nearby and available.
Here’s what I would put in it:
- Safety scissors for rope or tape.
- Extra keys for handcuffs (if that’s something you’re using!)
- Water! Always good to have a bottle of water available – and stay hydrated!
- Small first-aid kit. This may never be necessary to use but you never know when you might need to have a few emergency tools handy in case something goes wrong. Better safe than sorry!
- Lube and condoms. Again, this might not be necessary for you but it can’t hurt to be extra prepared!
